


Raised By Wolves

by aelescribe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Amputee Peridot, Gen, Minor Original Character(s), Redemption, more tags will be added as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-29 02:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3879367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelescribe/pseuds/aelescribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road to redemption is a long one. It's easier when someone is there to guide you.<br/>[discontinued]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i see your kind eyes, you're on your own

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a multi chapter fic. It focuses on redemption arks of the Homeworld Gems and how they change and develop through the help and kindness of Steven. After all, if his mom and the Crystal Gems changed, why can't they? This will bounce around in perspective and focus, and will also illuminate the speculated pasts of the Crystal Gems. Completely non canon.

Steven was away from the house more often than not. Ever since the incident with the human teenagers, he had kept running off. Pearl was afraid that it was because he was afraid of _them_. That scared her more than any thought of the Gem Homeworld or even the Gems that came from there ever could.

She never followed him, but she thought of it many times. She considered confiding her worries in Garnet, but she knew Garnet felt guilty enough about the situation. Reminding her of it would only make it worse. And Amethyst wasn't her favorite conversationalist and she was unsure of how much discretion she could have about the issue.

Pearl, as per usual, had to take matters into her own hands.

She was sitting on the couch one lazy afternoon immersed in a book. She heard Steven coming down the stairs and closed it quickly, smiling on his direction. It faded as he moved toward the door. "Steven! Where are you going?"

The boy smiled. "I'm just going to go ride my bike. I'll be back for dinner!"

"Wouldn't you like to read with me instead?" She suggested. "You've been out a lot lately, and, after all, one can never know too much about-" she flipped over her book and haltingly read, "-the benefits of ocean thermal energy conversion."

He pondered over the subject for a moment before shaking his head. "Nope, I really wanna go outside. It sounds interesting, but the outside weather is too nice to ignore! See ya, Pearl!" He shot her a hasty wave and another smile before running out the door.

She closed her book with a definitive sigh. That was more or less the response she expected. Yesterday, Steven said he was going to go to the arcade. The day before that, he went to Connie's house. Or at least, he said he did those things. Pearl wasn't sure whether or not she believed him.

But of course, that was ridiculous! She had no reason to doubt Steven telling the truth. She blamed it on old habits. Being constantly aware during the war had taken a toll; no place was safe, no word spoken true. The only sense of security she had then was...

Rose. And if she believed Rose then, she had to believe Steven now.

The pattern of irregular outings continued. It did not go unnoticed by any of the Gems, but they were all too afraid to speak of it. When returning from solo missions, they were greeted by an empty house. The silence was unnerving. Steven always came back, but sometimes they wondered if one day he simply wouldn't.

So they buried themselves in other activities. Pearl clung to her books, searching for a semblance of security in their uniform text. She read everything in the house twice, she had read them all years and years ago. After reading "Goodnight Moon" one too many times, she then began to borrow books from Beach City's public library.

Steven would come sometimes, to rent a game or a video. He was often too loud for a library setting, but whenever Pearl shushed him, it was with fondness. This time, she roamed the shelves alone. She was looking for the biggest book she could find. Something she could curl up with for hours, days, if it was necessary. Something to tide her over on this cold day and even colder night.

She pickeda few heavy textbooks at random and checked them out, toting them in a canvas bag she had brought with her; the plastic bags given by the librarian always ended up ripping halfway home. The Gem stepped out of the library and immediately, something collided with her. Her books went flying and she was knocked down by the opposing force.

"Oh, WOOPS! Sorry, Pearl!"

Her anger vanished at the sound of Steven's voice and even as he helped her up, she checked him for injuries. Luckily, he was wearing a helmet, protecting him from any serious damage. And he wore a hood to protect from the chill in the air. She gathered her books and he picked up his fallen bike. Blue embarrassment framing her cheeks, she asked, "What are you doing here, Steven?"

"I was looking for you!" he said. "I played with Garnet and Amethyst for a while, but I wanted to see you!"

"That's very sweet of you," she said. "I thought you lived with your bike instead of us, now." They both laughed nervously at that and Pearl continued, "Let's get home. It'll be dark soon."

Steven toyed with the strap of his helmet nervously. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Pearl raised an eyebrow. By the sheepish actions he was displaying, she guessed that Steven had broken something. "Alright, as long as it's quick. What happened?"

He mounted his bike. "It's better if I just show you."

She had ridden on the back of Steven's bike before, but the graveness of his voice disturbed her. Still, she scooted on the edge of the seat with him, gripping the back of his jacket. Her book bag was placed in the bike's basket. Then they were off.

Steven was a jumpy rider, apologizing for every bump and tilt of the bike, but Pearl was not worried about that. The look in his eyes when he said he had something to show her reminded her of something. Something undefinable, unspeakable. She was worried for herself, worried for whatever kind of trouble Steven had gotten in.

He pedaled his bike on the road leading from Beach City. Pearl said nothing. They passed the welcome sign without a word.

They were both silent during the ride. Few cars were encountered in the somber light of the setting sun. Once in a while, Steven asked Pearl if she was alright, to which she said, "I'm fine". She asked him as well and got the same response.

The road was becoming familiar, now. After a long while, the sun had set, the moon illuminating the corn stalks that rose beside them. Steven stopped his bike at an opening into the field. He and Pearl got off the bike. It was set aside, hidden in the stalks. He took his guardian's hand and led her through.

This was where they presumed Peridot's ship had landed weeks prior, and the ensuing... incident. "Steven, how much longer?" she finally asked. She didn't like being here.

"We're almost there," he assured her as they walked through the familiar clearing. "It's just at the end." He pointed to the near end of the field of corn, brightly contrasting the dark wood of the forest that followed.

They approached the edge of the forest. Pearl let go of Steven's hand and looked around with heightened anxiety. He was searching through shrubbery and bush at random. "Steven," she said. "Steven, I told you how sorry I was about this... Let's just go home, please. You haven't even had dinner yet."

"It's okay, Pearl," he said. "We're here, okay? I need to show you this. You're... you're the only one I can trust with this."

His words struck her core. The look in his eyes when he told her was the same as Rose. Rose, wonderful Rose, the dark secrets hidden behind her charming smile. Secrets entrusted only to her confidant. But secrets were hurtful. She knew that, now.

"Steven, I won't keep secrets from Garnet or Amethyst. Not after everything that's happened. Steven, I can't."

"You have to!" he cried, fists clenched and lip trembling. "You have to give her a chance!"

A chill took over Pearl. " _Her_?"

Steven covered his mouth quickly, but the damage was done. He sighed pulled away the rest of the bush, which Pearl now noticed, were strategically placed branches. Not identifiable in the day or night. The perfect hiding spot.

Her being went numb when Steven uncovered Peridot the Gem, limbless on the ground, surrounded by shattered robotic material. Her eyes blinked into focus when she noticed Steven, and widened when she saw the other Crystal Gem.

Pearl yanked Steven back by his coat and summoned her spear, thrusting it at the invader. "Steven, this merits a grounding of massive proportions," she said, the shaking of her voice negated by the anger with which she held her weapon. "What were you _thinking_? If she _hurt_ you-"

Peridot squeaked in fear as she pressed the spear to her throat. "How _dare_ you take advantage of him!"

Steven pulled Pearl back, now, and she was surprised at his strength. "She's not taking advantage of me! She was hurt, I just wanted to help her! I can't bring her back like this, and she won't go back in her Gem! I tried to heal her, but I- Pearl, she's hurt so bad!"

His rambling did little to quell the anger raging inside Pearl. Of all the secrets, this is what he wanted to show her? Harboring an enemy? This was too much. "Yes, I supposed she is hurt in comparison to the _millions_ of humans that would have been hurt in the reactivation of the Kindergarten," Pearl said darkly, still refusing to lower her spear.

Steven pushed her back further from the cowering form of Peridot. "Pearl, you don't understand! She was only following orders! She doesn't understand! If we could _make_ her-"

"That doesn't excuse what she's done!" the Gem screeched. "There is no forgiving! Not for her, not for anyone! She can never change!"

"But **_you_** did!" He gave her a hard shove, pushing her to the ground. Her head spun, fingers curled weakly around her weapon. " _You_ _changed_! So did Garnet and Amethyst! So did my _mom_! Why is it so hard to believe that Peridot can, _too_?"

The only sound was Peridot's weak cries of pain mixed with Pearl's heavy, unnecessary breathing. Steven stood resolute in anger for a few moments before running to Pearl's side and hugging her tightly, sobbing apologies.

She dissolved her weapon and pulled Steven close. He was too much like his mother. "I don't forgive her for anything. I haven't yet," the boy sniffled quietly. "But I think she can change."

"You think?" Pearl repeated.

Steven looked at her with fiery resolution in his eyes. "I know she can."

Pearl gave him one last squeeze and took a good look at Peridot. Her yellow visor was gone, it lay in pieces around her head. There was a wide crack stretched across her Gem. Her shortened limbs shook with fear. She was in no condition to hurt anyone or even call to help. She seemed hardly aware of the situation apart from a groan of pain every so often. She was at their mercy.

"Is this where you've been coming every day?" Pearl wondered. "To stay with her?"

Steven nodded solemnly. "I couldn't fix her arms or her legs... They won't regenerate. I'm not sure why. I couldn't heal her Gem, either. I tried spit _and_ tears."

She frowned. "I thought we ruled out you having healing tears."

Steven shrugged. "I was frustrated. I cried. So I thought, why not try everything? She won't talk much, either... I don't think she can at this rate. She's really quiet. She's so hurt, but there's nothing that I can do..." A few tears gathered in his eyes and he wiped them away quickly. "We need to get her to my mom's fountain. I tried, but I can't carry her."

He grabbed Pearl's hand gently. "I need your help. Please, just... Don't tell Garnet or Amethyst. They can't understand, not yet. But I want _you_ give Peridot a chance. That's all I want, Pearl. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't. But we have to try. I can't have Lapis happen all over again." 

Steven's words weighed heavy in her mind. He made some excellent points. Every fiber of Pearl's being wanted to reject this situation, reject the idea, and force Peridot into a bubble like the rest of her fallen comrades.

That would change, now. It had to. Steven would be the one to start it.

"Alright," she finally said. 

The smile he gave her held all the kindness in the world. The kindness no one deserved, especially not her. It was different from his mother. It was something of his own. As he helped Peridot into Pearl's arms with gentle purpose, her eyes opened anew; all traces of Rose disappeared.

It was only Steven. And that was all she needed to put her trust in.


	2. choking on panic: psychosomatic regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Steven and Pearl. The next chapter will involve more characters, I promise. I just got a new paper/presentation project that I have to do this week, and I have to take a college entrance exam, so things will still be a little slow. But a week from Tuesday is my last day of school, so I'll be able to have a coherent schedule after that. Thank you all for being understanding. And thanks to all the positive feedback, too!

Steven put the robotic remains of Peridot's limbs in the tote bag with Pearl's books from the library. Pearl held Peridot in her arms, unsure of what to do. She was still now, eyes shut tight. The crack on her gem seemed to widen with every shift of Pearl's arms as she tried to find the most comfortable hold.

She thought of Amethyst. Amethyst and her cracked gem, playing off their worries. It had not been so serious as this was. Pearl feared that her gem had sustained enough damage to Split. Peridot incapacitated was one thing; but if she was _gone_ , Steven's heart would break.

Pearl had no feelings on that matter. She didn't much care if Peridot lived or died. It was a callous and cruel thought. But when she thought the words, she knew they were true. It wasn't surprising. Pearl had never been as kind as Rose ( _Steven_ , she reminded herself,  _you need to stop comparing them_ ). She could never be as caring or patient or tolerant. The instincts of Homeworld and the ensuing war were carved in her. They could not be unlearned.

"Pearl?" Steven's voice broke through her trance. He pulled up beside her on his bicycle. "You okay?"

"I was just thinking," she dismissed him. "Now, there's a warp not too far from here we can use to travel to Rose's fountain. Right now, that's the only thing that can save her... We used the warp to come here when we first thought Peridot was here." She bristled at the though; it still guilted her.

Steven looked thoughtful. "I wish I used that instead of biking back and forth."

With that remark, they were on their way.

There was little need for conversation between them as they foraged through the forest. They found the warp, mounted it with some difficulty due to Steven's bike and their passenger. Pearl moved as fast as allowed without causing Peridot unnecessary pain. There was no time to waste. 

This had all happened before.

Rose had done the same thing many millennia ago. Rushing villains with cracked, splitting gems to her fountain. Submerging them a moment too late as they drowned in their own corruption.

They arrived at the fountain with relief to see their path was clear. The brambles were not gone for good, but they were out of the way, slithering through split cobblestone. The fountain itself was glorious, as expected, pink flowers dancing across the water. It had a calming effect on Pearl. But not so much on Steven.

Steven hurried his bike along and Pearl surged forward with him. They reached the fountain and she held a twinge of doubt in placing their enemy in such sacred waters. Still, they lowered her into the fountain. The water was cool and wonderful to the touch. She had the sudden desire to lower herself in, too, just to feel the water in its entirety.

The water gave off a minty hue as Peridot sunk into the fountain, her gem completely submersed. The water changed to a rosy aura glowing as the fountain worked its magic, tears pooling from the fountain statue.

"It won't be long," said Pearl over the rushing water. "It's likely she will revert back to her Gem after this. The fountain will save her gem, but she needs to regenerate a new form on her own." The boy was quiet and she continued by saying, "It's still not a guarantee, Steven. She may be too far gone already."

"We'll just have to wait," he said, staring at the Gem beneath the water. Her short limbs hung suspended in an eerie manner. He sat on the edge of the fountain and stared at the water as it clouded over. Pearl sat beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

They were quiet as they waited for any signs of improvement in the healing process. Pearl stared at Steven. Stared at Peridot's clouded image in the water. Stared at the majestic statue of Rose; her essence continued to flow into the fountain, everlasting.

 _Guide me_ , she pleaded. _Tell me what to do_.

Pearl swore she could hear her laugh. _You already know what to do, my Pearl. You've commanded legions, fought alongside me, defected from tyrants... Surely, you can raise my child._

Those were the words Rose had spoken when she first fretted over the pregnancy. Pearl closed her eyes and ran them over and over in her head. She could do this. She had to trust herself enough to trust Steven that this was the right decision. And even if it wasn't... It was his decision; he asked her to stand by him when he made it, and she would fulfill that promise.

It was hard to stay comforted by that when she thought of Amethyst and Garnet. They were so much a unit, secrets like this could threaten to tear them apart... Pearl scratched her nails against the fountain stone until they were raw, trying to rid the possibilities from her mind.

"Pearl!" Steven shook her arm and she ceased the action. "Pearl, look!" He pointed to the fountain frantically. She followed his gaze and saw the water beginning to clear. Peridot's gem rose to the top with the flowers. It floated to the edge and into Steven's awaiting hands. He cupped it. Examined it for damage. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed, showing it to his guardian. There was nary a smudge or scratch marring the viridescent surface.

"Of courses it is, thanks to your mother's fountain!" Pearl said with a dismissive wave. She played up relief on account of the healing for Steven's sake. She wasn't sure how to feel. But the feeling was definitely not joy. "Now, we need to get home before Amethyst and Garnet come looking for us... And you should keep that hidden. Bubble it, won't you? Though I'm not sure where you should put it..."

Steven put the gem in his hoodie pocket, patting it in a gentle manner. "I'll just keep her with me."

Pearl gave a strained nod and they made their way back to the warp pad. They spent the ride trying to keep Steven's bicycle from floating into space before they landed on their home warp with a thud. They steadied the bike before the books and, Heaven forbid, _Peridot's arms and legs,_ could tumble across the room.

A loud burst of laughter rang through the house and Amethyst came bounding down the stairs. " _Finally_! What _took_ you guys so long? Nice bike, Steve-o." They high-fived and hugged, leaving Pearl to wheel the bike outside as they engaged in excited conversation.

The sun had just set, the sky a vivid maroon speckled with stars. They had been gone a while. Right now, her first concern was getting Steven something to eat.

"You're back," Garnet said, closing the door behind her. She had discreetly followed Pearl outside.

She stiffened under Garnet's gaze as she set the bike against the house and grabbed her tote bag. She could feel the stare of her third eye. "Where were you?"

"Steven just wanted to show me something," Pearl replied, gripping her bag tight. "Apologies we worried you."

Garnet nodded. She was usually silent, but the quiet now unnerved Pearl. Everything was unnerving her. She steeled herself, waiting for a response from Garnet. When there was none, she went back inside.

She went behind the kitchen counter, sticking the bag against a cabinet door. She would put it in her room later. "All right, let's make you some dinner, Steven. How does spaghetti sound?"

"It sounds great!"

.~*~.

The next few days passed without incident. Peridot had yet to regenerate. Steven wasn't out as often, wanting to make up for lost time by hanging out with each of the gems in turn. Pearl stayed cooped up in her room unbothered.

On a secluded pool was her workshop; a floating board that served as a table. Scattered across were several diagrams and books, along with Peridot's prosthetics. She had spent several nights tinkering with them. There had to be some easy way to repair them, but the technology was far beyond Pearl’s capacity to understand. She could build a spaceship out of scrap metal on earth, but Gem technology… Gem tech was far different. Especially this modern technology.

If only she were a cadet again, with the entire archives of Homeworld at her fingertips. If she had the proper materials, it wouldn’t be a hard fix. In fact, her best bet in fixing them would be to ask Peridot herself.

“One crisis at a time,” Pearl muttered, examining a scrap of an arm that had flaked off. On the other side was an imprint of a wire network. Zigzag patterns engraved - no, burned into the interface. She suspected another device powered the limbs. But what, exactly? And what were these arms and legs used for? She couldn’t see them as a weapon, it just wasn’t _practical_ …

“Hey Pearl!”

She startled at the sound of Steven’s voice. “Steven… please, give me some warning next time,” She sighed and then turned to him. “What is it?”

“I just wanted to see how things were going with, uh… y’know…” He gave an over-exaggerated wink toward the table.

“It’s slow-going. This technology is far beyond anything that we’ve ever seen.”

Steven looked at the machinery on the table. “But you could pilot Peridot’s ship, remember?”

“Not for long,” she said, flustered. “And that was different. I know how to drive a spaceship, and all that was as simple as deciphering code.”

“Wait, you can drive a spaceship?” Steven exclaimed.

Pearl moved to examine the arm as a whole and narrowed her eyes. “Yes, Steven. I almost got us both killed, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that!” He stood on his tiptoes to examine the parts on the table. Pearl lowered the table so he could see better. He fiddled around with some of the tools, pretending the screwdriver was a spaceship. “Wait, how did you know how to drive a spaceship before that?”

“I lived in space, Steven. I travelled to other planets. Not only by warp, but by ship. It was mandatory that I could pilot one. Every pearl-” She was quick to stop. She snatched the screwdriver from Steven and returned to tinkering, face devoid of emotion.

“‘Every pearl’? Pffft! You’re one of a kind!” Steven replied with enthusiasm. He appeared not to have registered what she said; at least, not to its full extent. She had cut herself off just in time.

“Thank you, Steven,” said Pearl. “Would you hand me that diagram, please?”

He handed her the paper and then gasped. “Hey, Peridot’s visor!” He reached for one of the yellow chips, scrutinizing it with “Hmm” and “I see…”.

“Be careful with that, it’s fragile,” Pearl said. “It’s some sort of synthetic material… It’s not completely machinery. I think that it may have been part of her actual form.” Steven stared at Pearl in awe and she continued, “It’s possible. It seems important, but there’s no way to piece it back together. Or any of this, really…”

“I have gold glitter glue!” Steven exclaimed. “We could use that! It even matches the color.”

Pearl gave the boy a fond smile. “That’s very creative, Steven, but it’s not going to fix anything. I think… the only way I can even _start_ to fix this would be to ask Peridot herself.”

She went back to studying the parts, writing down any new observations. The best she could do was chip the broken parts together haphazardly. She was so frustrated, all she wanted was to fling her workshop table into the great unknown of the temple, to let it become another cluster of junk in Amethyst’s room.

Steven, perhaps sensing Pearl’s plight, gave her a tight hug. She patted the top of his curly hair with a sigh. “Anyway, there isn’t much either of us can do right now. How about you go play with Amethyst? At least with her, you can have some fun. I don’t want to bore you to death with my complaints about minimal progress.”

“I only understood half of what you just said, but okay!” Before leaving, Steven fished something out of his pocket and placed it on the table for Pearl. “You two can keep each other company! Just keep it civil while I’m gone!”

With a cheery wave, he slid down the waterfall and out of sight.

Peridot’s gem sat on the table, letting off a dim glow in the cavern light. Pearl wrinkled her nose with distaste. She could only think of how easy it would be to damage her gem, render her useless for good. She could give up on this stupid projec and give up on the thought that their enemies could turn into friends.

  
She forced herself to look away and return to the task at hand. Such intrusive thoughts wouldn’t make her break her promise, no matter how urgent.

Into the quiet hours of the night, Pearl worked, making little to no progress. The same as every night. She put together a few more pieces of the prosthetics. Still, she wondered why they were necessary. Perhaps Homeworld had developed them as a new armor. Why something so garish, then? Pearl’s head collided with the table, the thud resonating through the cavern that was her room. “This is hopeless,” she sighed.

From under the corner of her arm, she noticed a soft light. She raised her head. The gem on the table had begun to glow. The light became brighter, harsher, as it rose into the air. A white shape appeared, almost blinding. Pearl held her breath. It took form as a vague humanoid shape. It gained color. The Gem's silhouette became solid.

Peridot flailed and yelled with surprise, landing into the water with an ungraceful splash. 


	3. cold and alone, it suits you well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mission log for Earth Kindergarten Recovery. Status: injured, but alive. My pod crashed into the planet. We captured the Crystal Gems, but they were able to escape with the help of an organic-gem hybrid known as The Steven. Status of my partner, Jasper, is unknown. Perhaps on the ship. However, the ship was failing. I left her behind. I'm in no better place..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this and future chapters, flashbacks are written in present tense, while the ongoing story is written in past tense (sorry, I know it's a bit confusing, but that's how it's set up). And since school is officially out, I wrote a longer chapter to celebrate! Oh, and just FYI, there is brief mention of needles in this chapter.
> 
> Again, thank you all for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

The pod hasn't been launched properly. She is in an understandable rush, but that mistake may cost Peridot her life. The rickety pod speeds towards Earth at an alarming rate. As it reenters the atmosphere, a wave of heat rolls over her. She flinches and is thrown to the back of the pod.

This was not how Peridot pictured her mission would go.

She furiously taps away at the control panel to initiate any defense she has against the monstrous heat melting the pod's shell. She has nothing. There's not enough energy to form a shield. There's nothing she can do but buckle up and pray for mercy.

She punches in the coordinates of the Kindergarten but in her hasty state, and the state of the ship, she's not sure it will navigate correctly.

Peridot presses a button and is strapped into the ship before she can think otherwise. She can't move, she can't do anything. Not that there's anything that can be done at this point.

The technician buries her face in her hands. She's shivering all over. She can't _believe_ how horribly wrong this has all gone.

The mission was rocky from the start. Frustrating enough that her Robonoids were going haywire, and then those... _Crystal Gems_  had sworn her an enemy. There weren't supposed to be any Gems on Earth. It was a distant planet with the potential resources to create another army, the report told her. All nearby star systems had already been ravaged to support the expanding Empire, so they had to resort to planets far from their reach. The Kindergarten was a perfect breeding ground - Peridot couldn't understand why it had been abandoned in the first place.

After the appearance of the Crystal Gems, she had reported it to her Employer, who simply assigned Peridot an escort to shut her up. She had done perfectly on every assignment ever given her, up until now. But one failed mission could be enough to result in termination. She had seen it happen firsthand. So she shut up and accepted the offer.

Of course the escort assigned was Jasper, of all Gems.

And then - _and then_ , they had the _nerve_  to clog her ship with a prisoner! A Gem that had its kind wiped out millennia ago, a kind of Gem that shouldn't even exist! Lapis Lazuli was nothing but a burden on her already heavy mission; Peridot made that crystal clear when the three of them made their way to the ship.

Lapis Lazuli wandered the halls and gazed at the cells with a haunted, angry look in her eyes. Jasper resorted to punching holes in the ship that the Robonoids were sent to fix. Peridot remained locked in the control room reading up on their destination and monitoring the coordinates of the vessel near Earth. It had stopped firing her robots - there was no need for needless destruction by the Crystal Gems - and was docked, waiting for its sister ship to return.

Peridot thinks over this with a somber face. All they had to do was make contact with the second ship, kill the Crystal Gems, and reinstate the Kindergarten. Of course it can't be that easy. Once she reaches Earth, she muses, she can contact the second ship. Then she can look for Jasper. Then they can figure out what to do. After all, by working together, they can think of a fantastic excuse for this giant failure of a mission.

It would've been fine if they had killed the Crystal Gems right away. But they didn't account for The Steven, whatever he was... Nothing about him made sense. His organic nature made him impervious to the Destabilizer and the prison barrier; his gem gave him the abilities that any other Gem might have.

The Steven may prove to be a terrifying adversary, she thinks.

The pod rockets toward Earth. Peridot can see green fields and dense forests and stretches of water. She sees a field of grain below her, certainly not the Kindergarten, when the pod crashes.

The force jolts her from her restraints; her head slams against the control panel. She hears a distinct crack through the noise of the crash. The pod stills, finally, and she remains slumped over on the pod.

"Pod, activate the-" she coughs as smoke fills the pod. "Activate the heal-" The smoke is too thick, now, she can't see. Her eyes water. She doesn't need to breathe but is overcome the odd sensation of gagging for air.

"Eject," she chokes out. She slams her detached fist on the panel. "Eject!"

The pod opens and she falls out with a groan. She looks around in a haze. It's embedded a good six feet into the earth. Peridot needs to get out of here. Her only coherent thought is escape.

A thin line splits through her vision. She stands and is barely able to balance herself. Why does everything hurt so much?

She approaches a wall of dirt and scrambles up in a haze. If she falls now, she knows she won't be able to stand again. She forces herself up from the crevice of the wreck and takes in the field around her.

Large stocks of organic grain rise up around her. They're tall and thick. Suffocating. She needs to get out of here before a human finds the wreckage; or worse, finds her. The pod is no longer an option. Peridot stumbles away, careful to steer from the pit of the crash. She makes her way through stalks of vegetation. She walks as fast as the pain allows. There's no time to waste.

She forms a screen with her four fingers and says, "Mission log for Earth Kindergarten Recovery. Status: injured, but alive. My pod crashed into the planet. We captured the Crystal Gems, but they were able to escape with the help of an organic-gem hybrid known as The Steven. Status of my partner, Jasper, is unknown. Perhaps on the ship. However, the ship was failing. I left her behind. I'm in no better place..."

The screen glitches and disappears. Peridot frowns and tries to reactivate the tablet. "Mission log for Earth Kindergarten Recovery. Status: this stupid piece of _junk_ won't listen to me." That doesn't work, either. With a huff, her fingers return to her robotic wrist.

She stumbles out of the wheat clearing and sees a forest rising near. Forests are dark and full of hiding places, if she remembers correctly. Humans are scared of forests, even, scared of what they may hold behind twisted branches and sinister foliage. Peridot surges forward. She can make it to the forest. Find a place to hide. Then she'll call down the second ship and find Jasper and get the hell off this stupid planet.

Her vision blurs and she is forced to stop at the edge of the forest. She sways but doesn't fall. An aching in her head takes over, flooding her body with pain. She yells in distress.

Peridot gently taps her visor. It cracks completely and falls through her fingers onto the ground. Worse, she feels her Gem to find it has cracked as well. Without her gem and visor, she won't get far at all.

She tries to summon her screen again; the picture is relatively stable. She picks up the broken pieces of her visor and limps onward. "Mission log for Earth Kindergarten Recovery. Status: broken. Visor and gem have been cracked. I have a few minutes left before I go my go I-I-I-I-"

The stuttering is beyond her control. Every part of Peridot is warped, twisted, broken. "Crashed to Earth. Pod crashed. EVERY broken thing. Broken everything. EVERYthing is broken. The crashcrashcrashcrash- broke my gem it's BROKEN! Forest is here, nothing's working. Can't be found is failure- the mission is a failure I'm FAILURE it FAILED I FAILED-"

Peridot collapses, chattering on though the screen is gone. Her visor lays cracked beside her. With a low hiss and puff of steam, her arms and legs detach. All she can think is BROKen and FAILure and DEAD SHE'S DEAD SHE'S DEAD DEAD DEADDEADDEAD-

**.~*~.**

The yellow film clouding her vision was gone. Everything was harsh and blue and bright. She could feel cold water lapping over her convulsing body. She was cold. Afraid. Maybe even terrified. Her arms and legs were numb. She couldn't feel anything. She realized it was because they were gone. There was no burning above her forearms and knees. It was cold, like the water. Cold and numb and empty. She was powerless. Afraid. Maybe - no, definitely terrified.

Someone guided her up from the water. She was set down on a cold table. Everything was cold. It startled her. Her eyes began to focus. She could see metal scraps littered about her. Her own parts. Her own robotic prosthetics.

Peridot shot up with a half-formed yell stuck in her throat. She could feel needles pushing into her, compacting her already small form. Molding her to perfection. She was cold, then warm, then hot. Hot flashes and bright lights. She was crashing to earth alone and on fire. She wanted to stop feeling. She didn't want to feel hot or cold. She wanted to feel nothing at all.

A ringing voice brought her back. A hand gripping her shoulder tight, another pressed firm over her mouth. She opened her eyes again, blinking away her horrifying haze.

"You're going to get us both in trouble," The Pearl hissed through clenched teeth.

Peridot was in shock. Everything was so bright. Her head hurt. She scrunched her eyes tight, gave a brief nod and the hand moved away. She didn't need to, but the compulsion to breathe arose again. It had her gagging again. She calmed herself down, told herself everything was fine; but accustomed as she was to believing lies, this one she could not.

She looked at The Pearl, who regarded her with a sense of disdain and distrust. She tensed, arms loose at her sides, hands clenched. She was ready to fight should the moment arise.

"Where am I?" Peridot asked in a small voice. The Pearl remained silent. " _Where am I_?"

She gave way and said, "You're in our temple."

Peridot looked at her arms and legs strewn across the table. Hideous, disgusting, broken. She narrowed her gaze. "What did you do to me?"

Now The Pearl was angry. "I tried to fix... whatever those are. Steven was the one who found you."

"The Steven?" Peridot inquired. She had some memory of a chirpy voice belonging to a small, powerful form. Then the crash... It was all so hazy.

" _Just_ Steven," she said. "He wanted to heal you. I don't understand, myself... But you have him to thank for saving your life."

Peridot sat there baffled. Why would the human have wanted saved her? She had tried to kill Steven and his friends. There was no logic behind it. That made it all the more infuriating. "He... What is _wrong_ with you Gems?"

"I'm sorry that he saved your life and that I agreed to help him," The Pearl snarled. "Is that what you want to hear?"

"No! I want to know... What are you going to do with me?"

"Nothing," she said. "Except... I need your help. As I stated earlier, I've been trying to fix these without any luck. I can't repair them without your knowledge."

Peridot swallowed the rock in her throat. "You're going to torture me first, right?" She tried sounding nonchalant but her breath hitched at the end of her sentence.

"Don't talk like that," The Pearl frowned. "I'm serious. If you want help, you're going to have to help me. Steven wants me to help you, so I will, but I need your cooperation."

Peridot refused to believe any spoken word. It had to be a trick, a lie. There had to be some catch to this. So she remained quiet, stump limbs glued to her sides.

"I'LL GET YOU!"

The exclamation rang throughout the temple and both Gems startled. Peridot couldn't place the voice. The Pearl looked around in panic. She ran over to Peridot and said, "Just stay quiet and _don't move_." The Pearl raised her hands and the pool beneath them opened up; the table lowered into the receding water. When it was stable, the water rushed back to cover the gap. Peridot struggled to maintain balance as she watched the water pour down around her. The table was safe from the spray.

She heard laughter and approaching footsteps. The watery ceiling dipped as figures stepped onto the pool. "Pearl! How's it going? Ah-aha, quit it, Amethyst!" A warm laugh made her flinch. She could picture that laugh, quiet and bitter, and the hand on her gem. It made no sense. She shook the image away and strained to hear their conversation over the rushing of the falls.

"Yeah, Pearl! Whatcha doing?" So The Steven was simply Steven, The Amethyst was simply Amethyst, and The Pearl was simply Pearl. As if they were individuals and not a microscopic fraction of one gem kind. As if there weren't hundreds of others just like them.

"I was reading before you two came along. I'd love to get back to it."

"Pfft, all you ever do is stay in here reading! Why don't you do something else besides staying cooped up in here? You're like a chicken!"

"Amethyst, I value my isolation-"

"Chicken in a coop! Chicken in a coop! Chicken all cooped up in a coop!"

Steven laughed, too, but it was less harsh than Amethyst. Pearl spoke again, "Actually, I wanted to talk with Steven alone. It's important."

"Oooh, are you gonna ask him for _love_ advice?"

"Amethyst, GET OUT!" Pearl squawked.

"Ugh, _fine_ , you killjoy... You're not the only one who gets to hang out with Steven, you know."

The laughter died down quick after that. Amethyst left but the other two remained silent for a while. Perhaps waiting to make sure Amethyst was truly gone and out of earshot. After what seemed an eternity, Pearl spoke again, "She's regenerated, Steven."

A delighted gasp came from Steven. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh ohmygoshohmygosh!"

He continued to ramble as the waterfall opened up again, Peridot and the table rising from the part. She looked away from the boy so excited to see her, from the boy she tried to kill. His excitement and kindness were illogical. It made her angry beyond belief. And perhaps guilty.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he said with a smile. Peridot scowled and turned farther away. "You were in bad shape when I found you. I tried to heal you, but... It didn't work. So we took you to my mom's fountain and now you're okay!" Nothing Steven said made any sense to her. She was quiet as he prattled on until he asked, "Why didn't your arms and legs regenerate?"

"That's none of your business," she snapped. She wanted him to stop talking, _now_. She couldn't deal with this. Everything was too sudden. Something about Steven made her want to say something, though. That, and Pearl's angry, insistent glare when Peridot brushed him off. "Because I was made to do without them," she said. "They're not supposed to regenerate."

Steven approached the table. Peridot shied away. He stared at the broken mechanics around her. "Did you ever have them?"

"No," she said. Her voice became quieter as she went on, staring at Pearl, "Not all of us were so lucky to have been formed in a time of plenty."

Pearl bristled and pulled Steven away from the table. "That's enough for now."

"What, The Steven can't handle it?" Peridot sneered. "You're ill-equipped to decide his capacity of knowledge."

"Pearl, please," he insisted, tugging her sash. "Any information we have about Homeworld will help. She knows a lot of stuff. There are so many things she can tell us!"

Pearl set her hand atop Steven's head, mussed up his curls with a sigh. "Steven, I hear what you're saying. But some of this just isn't for your ears."

"It's simple, really," Peridot said. "Homeworld has begun to dry out all available resources. There isn't enough-"

"That's enough," Pearl repeated. "Steven, we will have this conversation some other time."

"No, Pearl! I can handle it! Just give me a chance! Look, I know Gems are made... different. I know about Amethyst. There's got to be lots of different ways they're made and what their jobs are. And I know... I know it must be hard for you to hear about and talk about." He stared at her with a fierce pride in his eyes. "But I'm going to find out sooner or later, right? So why not sooner?"

Pearl and Steven were an odd pair. Pearl was more powerful intelligent than Steven, but she listened to him anyway. It was fascinating. And annoying. She wished to get away from them. She wished she was alone.

Well, no, maybe not alone. Maybe if someone else was with her. If _she_ was with Peridot-

The only problem was that Peridot didn't know where she was. Frankly, she was too afraid to ask. But maybe Pearl and Steven would be receptive to an exchange of information.

"I'll answer one question for you," Peridot said, cutting through their argument. "If you answer one question for me."

"You're in no position to bargain," Pearl said.

"What do you want to know?" said Steven.

The two exchanged heated glances. "You answer ours first," Pearl said, arms wound into a tight knot.

"Fair enough."

**.~*~.**

All they have to do is wire them up. Fix the problem. Let the machine do the thinking for them. What do they need to think for, after all? Their only job is to serve.

Peridot is lucky for her form to come with an entire face. Sure, her limbs aren't standard, but she should count her blessings. There is no forgiveness and no help. Not for Gems like her. She is the lowest, she's partially formed, she's not really a Gem. She requires more extensive touch ups than the others. So they strap her to some table, wires running in and out of her. Needles poke the rings of crumpled flesh at the stumps of her limbs. She can feel shocks, energy coursing through her. Burning into her skin.

Peridot can't scream, can't cry. She is perfectly still as the wires burrow into her skin, harsh and jagged. She is still as these horrid things are attached to her arms and legs. Crude and dysfunctional. When she is no longer restrained, she sits up and examines herself.

An unknown Gem approaches her. "You have these to serve you as you make your own limbs. If you are unable to complete the project within the allotted time, your Gem will be Split. If you succeed, you will keep the functional limbs you built, with the possibility that they will benefit all models of your kind, and then you will and receive your first assignment."

Some instinct guides her to finish the task. She watches her metal hands move as fast as her brain, acting before thoughts consciously form. She works and welds, picks up tiny pieces of knowledge, puts together the puzzle.

Peridot is a new drone model. Peridots are to be made with as little Gem material as possible. They are a play on an older model that went out of style some thousands of years ago. The objective of this project is to see which of them can work hard, fast, efficient, right off the bat. Then they will be tested for their knowledge with the result of their project. She doesn't know if her prosthetics will be anything good.

What she does know is that she will live, no matter what. She will scrape by until she can claw her way to safety. And, maybe one day, to the very top, where she can punish those that cursed her.

Learning about the necessary technology for her prototype prosthetics takes a few hours. They give her a tablet device that displays whatever she wishes, gives her all the information she needs on the project. It's very useful, and so she incorporates it into her final design.

As Peridot understands it, the construction of her own parts is sort of a pageant. Showing off the best design for the Peridot model until a better one comes along. How archaic.

She never stops moving. Her fingers never stop drilling, drumming, tapping. She finishes her design with seconds to spare. She builds a small drone to help attach the limbs. It sprays a fixing mist for last-minute mistakes.

She and the other Peridots are marched to some fancy hall. They are lined up a long, dark corridor. They are all told to explain the benefits of their machinery and demonstrate its abilities. Peridot thinks she will pass. Time ticks on. Drones disappear through the door. None of them return. Her hope dissipates. She is the last to enter.

She walks into a room even darker than the outside hall. There is a circle of light above her. She can see glittering Gems in the darkness. They talk in hushed whispers as she enters. There is a spotlight in the middle of the room. She makes her way to it, blinking, uncertain in the harsh light.

"State your model number," says a booming voice.

"Peridot Model, ID number one-two-eight-five-eight-two-six-two-nine reporting," she says.

"You may proceed."

Peridot takes a deep breath. "My model emphasizes control by my gem." She taps the jewel on her forehead. A yellow film covers her eyes, doing nothing to lighten the dark room. "This visor is composed of synthetic gem material which controls and provides energy to my artificial limbs. The fingers are also synthetic, allowing for easy access to technology."

Four fingers on her right hand detach and form a small screen. She clicks across it with the remaining finger. "The limbs are lightweight and allow for easy use in combat and other daily activities. They can be used without the visor for a limited amount of time, otherwise-"

"Is that the informational tablet you received at the start of this project?" says a voice, different from the first, in the circle above.

"Yes," Peridot replies haltingly in the voice's direction. "We were told to make use of the materials available to us. The informational tablet was useful. I thought it sensible to incorporate it into my design."

She hears a short, snarky laugh that is quickly cut off. She fights off a laugh herself. At this point she may be disqualified. Disqualified equals dead. Dead because she was just a bit sneaky, just a bit smarter than the rest.

"Very clever of you to do so," says the Gem that spoke when she first entered. "I will be sure to exclude that as a source of material for future projects." Peridot is silent as the council of Gems speak to each other.

She wants to know who laughed but she dare not ask.

"We would like to further study the production of your model," says the Gem. "You will be escorted by your Employer to your quarters and there be given further instruction."

Her artificial legs almost give way when she hears that. She gives a gracious bow and a Gem drops down from the council to escort her from the hall. As her Employer explains to her the parameters of her stay, Peridot notices a trail of others walking around the corner past her.

Peridot catches the glimpse of one; tall and muscular, dark red stripes hatched across her face, giving her a sly smile before disappearing around the corner. She doesn't know who it is, but she can hear the laugh echoing through the empty room again.

**.~*~.**

Peridot didn't tell them the full story, not even close. Steven asked her to elaborate on her earlier comment. She explained that due to a lack of resources, Homeworld looked for "cost-efficient" ways to create Gems, by using as little material as possible. Thus Peridot was a cheap product of the process.

Steven and Pearl were silent. The former stared at the ripples in the water, eyes thoughtful and wide; the latter gnawed on her index finger and seemed to be in a world her own.

"Now you answer a question for _me_ ," Peridot said. Funny, she was expecting Steven to keep his promise. "Where is Jasper?"

Steven rubbed the back of his neck, eyes shifting from Peridot to water ripples. "Well... That's kind of hard to explain."

"Try me."

"Steven, you don't have to tell her anything," Pearl said, fiddling with her hands. Was she always so antsy, Peridot wondered?

Steven gave her a look and she backed off. "Well... after the ship went down, we were all really beat up... Jasper was going to fight us. She... She made Lapis fuse with her. Then Lapis took control and... they went into the ocean. We don't know where they are, now."

Ocean. It was a word she heard before. She came across it in texts she studied before going to earth. The ocean: a giant body of water that covered over seventy perfect of the planet's surface.

"So she's stuck in a fusion with the traitor at the bottom of the ocean," said Peridot quietly.

Steven frowned. "Lapis isn't a traitor. She saved us."

Peridot scowled and said, "You keep forgetting I'm not on your side."

"I think I agree with her," Pearl said, rolling her eyes. "Steven, this was a waste of time..."

He walked over to Peridot. "How can we help fix your arms and stuff?"

"I don't _want_ your help!" she said. "I tried to kill you. I hurt your friends. Why do you want to help me?"

"Because," Steven said. "People I know and care about... they've done bad things, too. Things I may never know about. But they care for me and love me anyway. They've done everything they can to make up for the bad things. There's good in them. And there's good in you, too. You just can't see it, yet." Peridot was silent. Her eyes stung for some reason. She hated this kind boy and his kind words. But she didn't turn away when he let a hand rest on her arm, tiptoeing to give him the extra boost. "If this is a bad idea to help you and make you see you're not bad... then I'll just keep trying until it becomes a good idea."

"That's... a terrible idea," Peridot choked out. If there was one thing she hated, it was compassion.

Steven gave her a smile that suddenly turned into a wide-eyed look of horror. "Yeah," a voice said behind Peridot. "I agree with ya, Peridot."

"That _is_ a pretty terrible idea. And so is not telling us about it," said another voice. Pearl pulled Steven back, looking even more terrified than he was. "We're a team, remember?"

Steven smiled nervously. "Hey, Amethyst. Garnet. "


	4. ease it off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot took a breath to calm herself. Steven was the least dangerous out of the Gems, she reminded herself. Steven was the one advocating for her. Steven was someone she could trust. At least until she could get back on her feet and ditch this backwater planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try and aim for Thursday/Friday updates from now on, unless something comes up. Also, now I have dorky chapter titles pertaining to a playlist for this story I have yet to publish. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! c:

Peridot thought things couldn't get worse for her. She had crashed to Earth, lost Jasper, almost died, and she couldn't escape with broken prosthetics. Not to mention the storm waiting for her when she arrived at Homeworld to detail her failed mission.

One would think that a Crystal Gem, having risked everything to keep Earth safe and out of Homeworld's eyes, could have keep her existence a secret for longer than a few weeks.

Sadly, that was not the case.

Amethyst stormed over. She seemed unsure who to direct her anger at. Finally, she turned to Pearl and said, "I can't  _believe_  you!"

"Amethyst, please," Pearl said, edging away. "We had no intention of keeping this from you-"

"You obviously did," Garnet stated. Peridot could feel pure anger, pure power, radiating from her, despite the calmness of her tone.

"Not forever!" Pearl rambled on, wringing her hands. "We just wanted to keep it hidden until... until we could get this figured out."

She gestured to Peridot and her prosthetics. Peridot wilted away from the harsh gazes of the three Gems. The last thing she wanted was to have them looking at her. Oh, if only she had died in the crash to Earth! But that was too kind a fate for her.

"So, you weren't only keeping her existence… the existence of an _enemy_ , from us... but you were trying to  _help her_?" Amethyst ended her sentence in a shriek that made everyone wince.

"Amethyst, quit shouting! She can't do anything like this! She's completely defenseless, so there's no harm in it."

"Shut up! You don't get to decide something like this for everyone!" Amethyst yanked Peridot forward. She balled up her shirt in a tight fist, lifting Peridot off the table. "What's wrong with you?"

"Amethyst, stop!" Steven stepped between them and pulled Peridot away. "Don't get mad at Pearl. Or Peridot. This was  _my_  idea."

Amethyst was at a loss for words. "Steven, what the-"

Garnet moved Steven away from the table with ease. Then she laid a hand on Peridot's shoulder, squeezing it hard. Words couldn’t express her raw fury. The technician crumbled under the pressure that Garnet exerting. She let out a choked groan. Peridot could see a fuzzy edge around her vision. Garnet seemed to be molding her shoulder like clay into something new.

"Garnet, stop it!" Steven exclaimed, desperate. "Why... why are you doing this?"

"Why are  _you_  doing this?" Amethyst retorted. "Steven, this is... She tried to kill us! She tried to kill  _you_! And Pearl, what the hell? How could you let this happen?"

"Amethyst, don't you dare!" Pearl snapped.

The yelling continued to escalate. Pearl and Amethyst screeching at each other, and Steven beseeching Garnet to let Peridot go. Peridot was sure this was how she would die, ripped apart, piece by piece, at the hands of Garnet.

Then there was a roar.

Peridot thought it may be some sort of monster. A corrupted Gem, perhaps. But nothing prepared her for the giant pink animal that tackled her and Garnet to the ground.

The pressure off her arm, Peridot let out a gasp of relief. Garnet pushed herself away from Peridot and the animal. The creature seemed content standing above Peridot. Almost as if it was guarding her. Peridot was cold in the water, but too afraid to move.

"See? Lion wants you to stop!" Steven ran over and helped Peridot up, setting her against the soft mane of the animal. Steven gave her an apologetic glance before turning back to the other Gems. "Look, I know it seems... kind of crazy. But I think that Peridot can be good."

"Besides that, we can get useful information from her," Pearl pointed out. Of course, Peridot thought,  _now_  she revealed her ulterior motives. She may have denied it earlier but the value of a prisoner was immeasurable. Homeworld would do anything to get information from her if their positions were switched. "She knows everything about Homeworld that we don't. Think of how much we can find out, how much of that knowledge we can use to our advantage."

"Or," Steven interjected. "she can change and become our friend."

Silence fell, sans the lapping of the waterfalls. Pearl looked away with a flustered blue face. "Pearl!" Steven exclaimed with exasperation.

"Pearl is right, Steven," Garnet interjects. "The only good that could come from this is information. Peridot is nothing but a monster. She tried to kill you."

Steven seemed to be biting back a vicious retort. He finally said, "Lots of things have tried to kill me."

Garnet stepped toward him again, prompting him to guard Peridot. She knelt down and laid a hand on Steven's shoulder. "You have a kind heart, Steven. But some crimes are unforgivable. She not only tried to kill you, and us, but she threatens everything that your mother fought for."

"She can't change," Amethyst said. "Plain and simple."

Pearl rubbed her wrist until a raw redness formed there. "Well, he... Steven has made some good points."

"Oh my  _God_!" Amethyst groaned. "Stop sympathizing with her, Pearl! You’re supposed to be the smart one here! Let's get this over with. I'm sick of looking at you." Her last words directed at Peridot, Amethyst reached for her Gem to summon her weapon. Peridot let out a small gasp.

Steven's animal came to the rescue. Before Amethyst could summon her weapon, Lion growled a warning, baring its wicked fangs and curling around Peridot protectively. She thought she was quite fortunate Lion wasn't against her.

Steven looked ready to burst. "I know she tried to kill me," he said. "But... lots of things have tried to kill me! I... You guys... I’ve been in worse danger before!" Peridot could guess where he was going, but he seemed incapable of pointing out such cruelty. The other Gems could sense it, too, and bristled. Garnet's mouth was set in a taut line; Amethyst grit her teeth and looked away; Pearl stared at him with tragic remorse. "But... people... or Gems... Gems who do bad things can come back from that. They can help and care and love just as much as a good Gem can. Gems like... Gems like Lapis. Lapis sacrificed herself to save us, so that we could be here now."

Amethyst sighed. "Steven, she was so much worse. She tried to kill us, you, not to mention Connie and your dad! And she stole the ocean!"

"She stole the ocean because she was  _scared_! Lapis did those things because she was  _scared_  and  _angry_  that you guys put her in a mirror for thousands of years!" Steven yelled back. "She did bad things because of how badly you  ** _hurt_**  her!"

That explained a lot. Peridot had no inkling of Lapis's past; but now, the hours Lapis spent on the ship staring out into space, staring at her reflection in the glass, didn't seem so out of context anymore...

Peridot finally found her voice. "I can't do any of that without arms or legs." She was defenseless, as Pearl said earlier. She had no intention of harm or escape. Not while she was in this state. If she was well, that would be a different story.

"Shut up!" Amethyst growled. The only thing stopping an attack from her was Lion, though it wouldn’t stall her for long.

"If we try and help her, try and understand her, then... Maybe something like Lapis won't have to happen again."

They all fell silent. "Steven," Garnet said in a measured tone, "Peridot has one strike, and then she's done. For now, we’ll do it your way. But as soon as she crosses the line… She’s ours to deal with. All right?"

Steven nodded, tears bubbling from his eyes. He ran forward and hugged her legs tight. Garnet ruffled his hair with a defeated fondness. She turned cold to Peridot and said, "Pearl, bring everything to the living room. We're taking care of this right now."

Now, Peridot wasn't sure what was worse: hiding from the Crystal Gems in fear or having them know where she was. She decided they were both equally terrible situations and tried to think of a way out, any means of escape that would put her far, far away from them.

She thought of this while atop the back of Steven's pet, Lion, who carried her into the main foyer of their dwelling. It was a quaint place, nothing like she had ever seen. When she asked what made the floors and walls, because she had never encountered such material, he laughed. Apparently they were made of wood, an organic material that came from trees.

Peridot remembered reading about trees in old texts. They provided oxygen for organisms in need, and those organisms returned carbon dioxide, which trees and other vegetation needed to grow. It was a fascinating relationship. Peridot had always found organic life strange, but in an exciting way. Unfortunately, her Employer had had other plans for her, and studying organic life was “a long, complicated path of research that’s of absolutely no help to anyone”.

She returned from her thoughts to the present, where she sat between Steven and Amethyst against the foot of Steven's bed, upon which his pet was relaxing. It was not ideal, considering how often Amethyst bumped her injured shoulder, but she kept quiet.

The screen in front of Steven enchanted him. From what Peridot understood, it was a primitive version of her tablet.  _Very_  primitive. It was so bulky! And the performance was dull. But he did seem to enjoy the program, even if Peridot had lost interest after the first five minutes. It was a "crime show", Steven told her. The episode featured the search for a stolen ring.

Humans were so fascinatingly stupid.

"Oh man, I bet the bodyguard did it!" Steven said. Five minutes later, the bodyguard’s dead body was discovered in a dumbwaiter. "Oh... never mind."

Amethyst laughed, "You'll get it next time, buddy."

"It was obviously the family friend," muttered Peridot.

Steven and Amethyst both turned to her. "Really?" asked Steven. "How do you know?"

Peridot shifted, uncomfortable at the attention. "Well, she planned the... the, uh..."

"The wedding," Steven prompted.

"Yes, that. She made the arrangements for everything, including the ring. She seemed to trip, as the footage showed us, when they placed the ring in the safe. She took the ring right as she stumbled and put it in the safe. The security tapes didn't show anyone stealing the ring after that, and no one noticed her take it. Except, perhaps, the bodyguard. That would explain his untimely demise. Now all that's left to do is take it from its hiding place. Perhaps... well, she seemed quite touchy about the bouquets. She must have hidden it there."

Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Yeah, we'll see."

The rest of the program unfolded exactly as Peridot predicted. "Oh my gosh, how did you guess that? Are you psychic? What am I thinking of right now?"

Steven closed his eyes and concentrated hard. "Uh... this obvious outcome?" Peridot said.

"No, I was thinking about donuts!" Steven giggled.

Peridot was at a loss for words. "What is a... donut?"

Amethyst reached over to Steven and snatched the remote. "Whatever, it's over. My turn to pick what we watch!"

Steven shook his head. "Wait, it's Peridot's-"

"My turn," Amethyst repeated. She flipped through several programs until she came upon two women in a sword fight. "Oh, sweet! I love Kill Bill!" One of the women got her eye poked out and began writhing around on the floor and clutching her bloody face. "Uh, Steven, you might want to turn away for this."

"Amethyst, it's not your turn," Steven said sternly, shielding his eyes from the heinous film. "We go across the line, just like always. It's Peridot's turn."

Amethyst glared at Peridot. "Fine!" She stormed off, but not before throwing the remote back and hitting Peridot in the face. Peridot groaned, more out of frustration than pain.

Steven switched the program to something less violent. "Are you okay?" he asked, reaching for Peridot's face. She flinched out of reflex, turning away from him. He bit his lip. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Peridot took a breath to calm herself. Steven was the least dangerous out of the Gems, she reminded herself. Steven was the one advocating for her. Steven was someone she could trust. At least until she could get back on her feet and ditch this backwater planet.

Steven noted a dark green bruise on her cheek from where the remote hit. "Sorry," he sighed. "Amethyst is just angry."

"I couldn't tell," Peridot said dryly. "It’s nothing new. No one's ever been nice to me, anyway. No one besides..." Peridot trailed off, unable to speak.

"Me?" Steven batted his eyelashes with charm.

"I suppose," she sighed. "Just you. And Jasper."

Steven was taken aback by that remark. "Really? I thought..."

Peridot shrugged. "Yeah. She's pretty terrible, but she's the only Gem I've ever known who hasn't treated me like complete garbage. She's not nice, per say... She's good company. She could be a lot worse."

Steven was quiet, now. Peridot let the subject drop. Her feelings on Jasper were of no consequence and seemed to upset Steven. At least, the mention of Jasper did. For some reason, the frown on his face began to make her upset, as well.

Steven cleared his throat through the silence. "Anyway... is there anything you want to watch?"

Peridot shrugged. "I don't know anything about human entertainment... but we could  go back to that criminal fest from earlier, if you wish."

Steven pumped his fist in the air triumphantly. "Yeah! I was hoping you would say that!"

He flipped back to the previous channel. "Sweet, right in time for the new episode!"

Peridot let her mind and attention wander during the show while Steven guessed every person on screen as a suspect. She heard muffled words coming from below Steven’s room and tuned in on the conversation.

"This is the worst idea in the history of all ideas. I've had some pretty bad ideas, but this is just stupid! This blows them all outta the water!"

Amethyst. Of course.

"I told you before, Amethyst, we're doing this Steven's way. We were wrong about Centipeetle. Maybe we're wrong about this, too." Garnet. The sound of her voice made Peridot's shoulder ache.

"Garnet, you can't be serious! For all we know, she's strangling Steven to death upstairs! It's been awfully quiet up there..."

"That is quite impossible, considering her condition." Pearl said.

Amethyst groaned. "Are you even hearing yourselves? What about everything we did to escape from her and Jasper? She stood by and let Jasper defuse you, Garnet!"

"Don't remind me."

"That's true, but..." Pearl trailed off.

"What?" Amethyst snapped.

"She seemed... Well, never mind, it's nothing."

"No, I want to hear this, too," Garnet interjected.

"She just... she seemed scared. When Jasper attacked Garnet."

Amethyst said, "Yeah, she fired missiles at us right before that without a second thought. But as soon as that monster attacks us, she gets squeamish?"

"I'm just telling you what I saw!"

"She sure wasn't going to step in to save us! The only one who even tried to do anything after that was Lapis!"

Pearl huffed. "We're giving her one chance. For now, all we can do is trust her. That's... that's what Steven would do, after all."

"Steven?" Amethyst repeated. "Do you mean Steven, or Rose?"

Peridot was glad Steven was so focused on the television set; whatever Amethyst said had struck nerves in Garnet and Pearl. She turned back to the show as she felt the tension in the room below begin to peak. A few moments later, Pearl yelled up for both Steven and Peridot to come down.

Steven carried Peridot downstairs piggy-back style, which seemed unnecessary, but Peridot let him. Pearl was at a counter with Peridot's parts laid out in front of her. Amethyst and Garnet stood on either side of her, cold and callous.

Steven helped Peridot and himself onto stools. "I have something for you," Pearl said to Peridot. She set down two metal arms on the counter. "These will have to do while you help us fix your own."

They were crude and garish. Peridot felt sick at the sight of them. For a second, she was back in the laboratory, being stitched and molded together for the purpose of a powerful hierarchy to decide. It was the pageant all over again.

"Okay," she forced herself to say. "Okay." she repeated. Okay. She would be okay. As long as she didn’t think about it too long, she would be okay.

Steven gasped suddenly. "I have a great idea!" Once he was sure he had everyone's attention, he announced, "I think my dad might have a wheelchair lying around somewhere! Peridot, you can use that to get around until we fix your legs! Or we can go to the junkyard and find one!"

"That's a good idea, Steven," Garnet said. "Amethyst, why don't you go with him?"

Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Sure. I love sorting through trash."

"First, Steven, help me with this." Pearl grabbed one of the metal arms and walked around the counter to Peridot.

The Gem was inanimate under Pearl's touch. It took all her power not to flinch away from the contact. Steven helped clasp the metal limb down onto her arm. Peridot winced; as her arm jostled, so did her injured shoulder. She bit the inside of her cheek and kept quiet.

Steven stared at the dark bruise blossoming over her shoulder as they attached the other arm with a look of concentration. That made her even more nervous. And then, the strangest thing happened.

He licked his hand and slapped it on Peridot's shoulder.

"Ow! What the-" Peridot squirmed at the stickiness. Amethyst let out a loud cackle and grabbed Steven, pulling him out the door. They left with one final chorus of laughter, followed by the slamming of a door.

"All right," Pearl said to Peridot. "Let's get to work."

Peridot was stuck with Pearl, a nervous wreck, and Garnet, who could crush her like a bug. She was in very similar conditions to when she was first formed and forced to build herself. Technicians beside her fussing over their models, a powerful supervisor cutting down any signs of weakness.

But, as the pain in her shoulder faded with a slight tingle and she extended her temporary limbs, she remembered her resilience. She made a vow to survive back then, and that's what she would do now. She had survived the ship, the crash of her pod, and almost survived the rest of today. She wouldn’t give up after all that happened.

The Gem examined the broken parts with distaste. Pearl and Garnet watched, expectantly waiting on a diagnosis. “I don’t know anything about Earth technology, but we may have to substitute some parts.” Peridot frowned. She was more talking to Pearl than Garnet, the obvious brains of the group.

Her right arm had taken the worst of the crash. It was a fried circuit board with varying shades of green; some parts of the arm had been burned or dented, but were somehow fused back together into one component.

The rest of her limbs were also in such state, in varying degrees. “This is…” Peridot let out a slow breath. “It’s a start.”

“I, uh, tried not to fuss with the wires.” Pearl said.

“That’s good..” Peridot replied absently. She had to admit, with such limited knowledge, Pearl had done an all right job of piecing things back together. It still wasn’t functional, but she had saved the most important components of her limbs for Peridot to tinker with. Repairing it would be quite simple.

She examined the attach port on her right limb. The interface was intact; the wires were slightly singed, but not beyond repair. It was hopeful. Of course, it would be easier if she had some of her Robonoids...

“Your Robonoids?” Pearl repeated.

Peridot hadn’t realized she was talking aloud. “Uh, yes,” she said. “They’re service droids. They assist me in all missions, though their primary function is to help me when my limbs aren’t cooperating.” She set the arm down.

“We probably have a few laying around,” Garnet said gruffly.

“Of course you do…” she muttered, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. She had some idea of where her drones had run off to. Some hadn’t survived the trip through Earth’s atmosphere. Every other one of them had been destroyed by the Crystal Gems.

Garnet glanced between Pearl and Peridot, as if she were scanning them. The inability to make actual eye contact with Garnet unnerved her. “I’ll go check in the temple.” She stalked off, disappeared behind a glowing door past the warp pad-

The warp pad.

She didn’t let her gaze linger for fear of Pearl deducing her motives, but tucked the location away for later planning. She glanced around the table for something to divert her attention to. Then she realized that something was missing.

Peridot absently touched her cheek, avoiding the bruise. “My visor,” she said in a hollow tone. “We can renovate these as much as we like, but they won’t work without the use of my visor. It’s the battery, the controller.”

Pearl nodded, listening carefully. “Exactly how hard would that be to fix?”

“Very hard, considering I’m stuck on this weak, underdeveloped planet with archaic technology.” Pearl snorted and then tried passing it off as an awkward cough. “It’s a blend of high tech and synthetic Gem material, it’s one of a kind.”

“It may still be in my room…” Pearl looked suspiciously between Peridot and the warp pad. “Lion!” she called up to Steven’s room. The animal sauntered down the stairs, giving the Crystal Gem an affectionate nudge with its large head. She stroked its mane in return. “Stay here and guard Peridot, Garnet or I will be back in a few moments.” She gave Peridot one last warning glance before she strode to the door of the temple, disappearing behind it.

As soon as she was gone, Lion curled around the stool where Peridot was seated. “Charming,” she scoffed.

She took one more sweeping glance around the room, making sure the Crystal Gems were really gone, and frantically pulled at the Diamond crest on her uniform.

Hidden beneath the panel were three small buttons: one, yellow, was to call her ship; the other, blue, was to call her partner; the last, red, was a distress signal that would send her location to her Homeworld Superiors. When the blue or yellow buttons were pressed, she would receive coordinates to the location of either her ship or partner. Of course, it was useless without her visor, which was the only way she could view their location.

She pressed the yellow and blue buttons and they flashed brightly in response. Peridot quickly fastened the emblem on her uniform again. The red button would only serve as a warning to Homeworld in her final moments, warning them of this dangerous, hazardous hunk of rock. With any luck, she would be back on her ship, and back with Jasper, in the next three days.

Beneath her, Lion let out a low growl, as if it had witnessed her misdeeds. “Oh, shut it.” Peridot didn’t feel the least bit guilty. She would do whatever it took in order to survive. She wouldn’t let anyone get in the way of that.

Not the Crystal Gems, not some stupid, bubblegum creature, and certainly not Steven.


	5. tell me how it ends and how it all begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is cold, and Peridot will do whatever it takes to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be brief appearances of one or two OCs in this story, but they won't have substantial parts, they just help the story flow along. Thank you all for continuing on with this story! Feel free to leave a comment or talk to me on Tumblr about it (I'll also post sketches of the OCs in this story on there). You guys rock! <3

While Peridot's technology undergoes further preparation, drone production ceases. She is lucky, to have such an interest taken in her work. But there with her success comes grave responsibility. These Peridot drones will be her exact image. She is the first of this new program. All the other models got scrapped after her debut at the pageant. She is the model drone for these new Gems - if one can even call them that - and it is her technology that will aid them.

After the last drone program turned out to be such a disaster, Peridot knows there will be dire punishment in store if she fails to uphold a standard for these models. She is the face of the hivemind. The thought of these consequences make her animatronic limbs quiver.

Peridot is a dutiful worker. Her Employer gives her orders from the top: she is to create a single device to emit commands and control all the drones. Every one of them - except for herself.

She stays secluded in her laboratory, a gift granted from her Employer, and tries not to think too hard about what she’s doing. All that matters is being the loyal, submissive drone that the Gem Hierarchy wants. Let them pawn off her accomplishments and dominate her achievements. As long they allow her to live, she will complete any task.

But she's not a prisoner. While working on the Visor Controller, she also begins a side project of her own invention. The intent is to create repair droids to assist her on missions and other matters. If Peridot’s limbs ever malfunction, or her visor cracks, she’ll be in a pinch. There always needs to be a second plan, something to fall back on in case everything else goes wrong.

She creates many sizes and kinds of these droids; Flask Robonoids, she calls them. She tests them out by breaking things in her lab and letting the Robonoids repair them with a solution she concocted herself. So far, they can only repair small things, like broken tools and tiny faults in her prosthetics. Maybe one day, they can move onto repairing bigger things.

Peridot is unsure of presenting this idea to her Employer - or anyone at all. So she keeps it under wraps. She’s not doing anything wrong, she’s just trying to better her record with more success. But she might get in trouble if her robots cause trouble or divert from her main goal.

Unfortunately, such malfunctions are unpredictable.

The absence of one of her droids isn’t noticed right away, as Peridot is too focused to break free from her work. When she notices it, her world comes crashing to a halt. Of the three Flask Robonoids she made, only two were on her desk. The other one was missing.

“It can’t have gotten far,” she convinces herself as she turns her lab upside down looking for it. If it already escaped... Her Employer and other superiors might not appreciate the time and attention she’s diverted from the Visor project to create a silly robot, especially one that she can't keep track of.

Peridot presses the button to open her door and runs out into the hallway, only to run right into someone else.

A tall, muscular Gem stands in front of her. A wild mane of chalky hair tumbles over her shoulders. Gold eyes framed by a streak of red narrow in on her. Peridot notices in her hand that she holds a small sphere.

Her Robonoid.

“Is this yours?” says the beast of a Gem, giving the droid a little shake.

“Yes,” Peridot responds in a voice much calmer than she felt capable of. “It’s mine.”

“Well, your little hell-raiser was wandering up and down the halls causing all kinds of nonsense.” The Gem shoves the Robonoid into Peridot’s arms. Peridot is ready to issue thanks and an apology when the Gem barges past her into the laboratory. “This is your workspace?”

“Yes,” she repeats. “It’s mine.”

 “That all you can say?”

Peridot’s mind is blank. She’s rarely had to interact with Gems other than her Employer. The last time she had done so was in the presence of the Council that decided her fate. “No, I’m just not adept at dealing with someone so rude.” Bitter regret fills her mouth as soon as the words leave her lips.

The striped Gem makes a sharp turn around. She cracks a grin, and a gruff laugh resonates in the empty room.

The laugh catches Peridot's attention. It seems familiar. She lets her memories absorb her as she tries to recall where she heard it before.

Peridot narrows her eyes. “You were on the council,” she said. “You laughed at me.”

The Gem plops down in the chair at Peridot’s main workstation, where the other of the Robonoids rest on a desk. “Not at you. I was more laughing on your behalf. I mean… it was pretty hilarious.” She mocks Peridot in a high voice, “ _The informational tablet was very informational_!” and then collapsed into fits of laughter.

“I don’t understand why it was such a big deal,” Peridot says with a scoff. She's quite curious, wonders if Jasper can answer that for her.

Jasper seems to catch on and says, “Well, I would tell you. But then I’d have to _kill_ you!” She starts laughing again and Peridot forces a laugh of her own. “It’s amusing. That kind of technology is reserved for those of power. Now you’ve utilized it for a lower class, and there’s not much they can do, because your design is their only option."

“Is that… bad?”

“Well, yes and no. You see, there has to be a certain level of control over what citizens receive. But since there was nothing preventing you from using this in your design, now it’s available for anyone who can walk up to a Peridot. There's even more information given to you than the Pearls, and that was so much worse...” Jasper leans back in the chair, hands folded behind her head. “And of course, that means even the slightest mistake will be an excuse for your termination.”

Peridot crosses her arms with a glare. “Good thing I don’t make mistakes.”

The Robonoid in her arms feels heavy, impossibly so, and Peridot sets it next to the other droids. “Well. If that’s all you require, you may be on your way.”

Jasper shakes her head. “No, I’m staying. I only happened to run into your Robonoid on my way over. I’m supposed to have a meeting with your Employer about our upcoming mission.”

“Her quarters are down the…” She trails off, processing what the other Gem said. “ _Our_ mission?”

Not long after that, Peridot learns of a mission that she and Jasper will undertake together. They will fly to an old communication spire and repair the tower there. There is no mention of why it was abandoned, or what damaged it in the first place. These questions plague Peridot, but she dare not ask. Perhaps Jasper will let more information slip during their mission.

For their mission, a small cruiser, meant for stealth and speed, will take them to the spire. Arriving will take a matter of days. Jasper and Peridot are the only Gems assigned to this mission. Peridot will be the one repairing the communication tower, while Jasper is there for her protection. After all, she's the technician.

And of course, she knows that even one mistake on her part will result in catastrophic consequences. She refuses unfair punishment. She will survive. She will live, by the skin of her teeth, as she had during the pageant. She will not succumb to the oppressive, overarching hand of her superiors.

It takes roughly three days to arrive at the planet housing the spire. It was once known as the Apatite Outpost. Peridot has no idea what damaged it, or why they were reclaiming it only now.

When she’s sure Jasper is out of reach, she pulls up her tablet and searches for information. The entire historic archive of Gemkind at her fingertips… no wonder it angered the council. But what’s done is done, and it’s hers to use as she pleases.

She scrolls through thousands of documents and files until she discovers a small blurb detailing the Apatite Outpost.

“ _Former tower of communication used to relay messages during the Great War. In effective use until taken over by the army of Rose Quartz. This was not realized for several months, as messages continued transmitting from the outpost, containing misinformation that cost the Homeworld Army a great deal. The attempt to reclaim the tower was just as disastrous_.”

The Great War?

Peridot is a young Gem, quite new. Perhaps that’s why she hasn’t heard of it before. Still, she feels like she’s stumbled onto something so much bigger than herself. She knows she is close to ‘mistake territory’. Frantic, she navigates away from the article and searches for something to take her mind off the information.

She pulls up her personal files and begins to record a mission log. “Mission log, Apatite Outpost Recovery. We will arrive at the communications tower in a matter of hours. All has gone well. Repairing it will take more or less time depending on how damaged it is. We won't know the extent of that until we arrive. End mission log.”

The screen fades away and Peridot sinks into her chair. There’s a cold coil forming in her chest, numbing her, and it won't go away. She sits there, unaware of the passing of time.

The door to the bridge opens and she scrambles upright, blinking away her haze. Jasper appears beside her and rests her arms on the back of Peridot’s chair, gazing at the stars and their rapidly approaching destination. “Well, at least the view isn’t completely terrible, even if this mission is dull.”

Peridot stays unmoving. Jasper cranes her neck to get a look at the technician. “Are you all right? You look pale.”

“I’m green, Jasper.”

“ _Funny._ I mean it, you look unwell.”

“I’m fine. We’re coming up on the planet, now.”

If you can even call it a planet, considering its size. As they enter the dark atmosphere, Peridot can see, from a distance, the tower winding up through the clouds. It’s massive and desolate.

“Hey, why aren’t we stopping at the top of the tower?” Jasper demands.

“Because then it would collapse,” Peridot says, trying to work out the knot in her chest. She absorbs herself in the controls of the ship, millions of letters of code swirling around her head as she prepares the ship for landing. “And I refuse for my first mission to become my last simply because you didn’t want to climb some stairs.”

“I take it back. If you’re insulting me again, then you must be fine.”

She lands the ship at the base of the spire. Peridot notes the ease with which the spire can collapse. The longer she stares at it, the worse it gets. Jasper finally pulls her along by her metallic wrist, and she tries to forget.

Not only forget the spire, but the war mentioned in the article about the Apatite Outpost. And whoever Rose Quartz was.

“Ugh. This place is just as awful as I remember it,” Jasper says, kicking up a loose pile of gravel.

“You’ve been here before?” Peridot inquires. She rushes up the stairs to Jasper’s side. “How? Why?”

“Why do you care?” Jasper says. “Let’s stay focused on the mission, how’s that sound?”

There’s a strange tension in her comrade’s jaw as they continue. Peridot is afraid of all the possible answers to her question. She wishes she had never found that stupid article in the first place. She wishes she didn’t know anything about this place. Why was she dumb enough to go looking for answers?

The truth hits her, harsh and sudden. “You were here!” Peridot exclaims. “You were here during the Great War!”

She clasps her floating fingers over her mouth. Jasper stops, giving Peridot a confused stare. “Why would…” She grits her teeth in frustration. “Thanks for reminding me, Peridot, because I needed that today.”

“What even _is_ the Great War?” Peridot uses all her energy to stay at Jasper’s side, which becomes more difficult as the steepness of the stairs increase.

“Is that what they’re calling it? The Great War? More like the _Great Embarrassment_ ,” Jasper snaps. “It’s a blemish on Gem history. It’s not something you talk about.”

“Why did they try and cover it up?” Peridot says. “I mean, I was trying to find more information on this outpost, and-”

“It’s listed on some files, I’m sure. Someone is redacting and editing those files as we speak, since your little stunt at the pageant will equip all new drones with the same technology that gives idiots like you access to those files in the first place!” Jasper stops at the top of the long staircase, pulling at her hair. “Just shut up about it, if you know what’s good for you. I’ll shut you up if you keep asking stupid questions.”

Peridot resigns herself to silence as they continue up the spire. The coldness in her chest extends.

Jasper seems upset, which in turn upsets Peridot. They hardly know each other, but there’s something disturbing about the way she stops at every sound, every sign of movement; the way her haunted eyes search for invisible enemies. Peridot thinks she might care about Jasper's well-being.

Peridot would suggest a brief resting period, but she knows Jasper will refute it. They need to keep moving if they want to make it to the top of the spire in good time.

She doesn’t ask anymore questions, doesn’t speak, until Jasper addresses her. “I snapped at you earlier.”

“It’s okay-” Peridot begins, but the other Gem silences her with a wave of her hand.

“I wasn’t apologizing. I’m warning you. No one should know about that war besides the ones who fought in it. No one speaks of it, so any Gem created after that will never have to worry about that… that humiliating war. If you’ve got enough sense, you won’t go digging any deeper.”

Peridot nods solemnly. “I am sorry for upsetting you.”

“Don’t apologize. It's hard to remember, but it's important, as well. That war shaped me. I guess that’s the one good thing to come out of that mess.”

They continue in silence. There’s no real way to tell time on this planet, much like the dark skies of Homeworld. She wonders if there’s any planets she’ll ever go to with actual light, and not some projected orb in the sky.

After some time, they reach the top of the spire. It’s a small room, with appalling, archaic technology. Peridot begins to revive the ancient system, swift to adapt to the ancient tech. She sets up a frequency to Homeworld, sending a simple message that the spire will be up and running in no time. Once that's completed, she can move onto the real repairs.

She jolts when Jasper lays a hand on her shoulder. “There’s something else nearby,” she utters.

“What should we do?” Peridot whispers, keeping her hands busy as she listens, to keep the illusion that they’re too focused on their mission to have awareness of another presence.

“I’ll go take a look.” She gives Peridot’s shoulder a firm squeeze and then leaves. Peridot gives a little shudder as she accesses the system interface through a dusty old control panel.

She is aware of every sound as she waits for Jasper’s return. Whatever refined sense of vision Jasper used to seek the enemy is lost on Peridot. She can feel that coldness in her core, it makes her shake and shiver.

There was a sudden yell. Peridot screeches and ducks to the ground as something whirls past her, colliding with the wall to her right. She whirls around to see the assailant curled up on the floor, grimacing. “Did you really think you could hide?” Jasper says and storms into the room. She turns to Peridot. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

Peridot almost points out that Jasper is the one who came closest to hurting her, what with throwing the stranger at her in the first place, but she lets it slide. “I’m fine.” She accepts the hand that pulls her to her feet.

The stranger in question is a Gem. The Gem, a vivid maroon, grits her teeth. Her gem, right at the base of her neck, sparkles scarlet in the dim light of the control room. What catches Peridot's attention is the crest on her clothing. A faded, yellow star. It seems sacred. Holy.

It infuriates Jasper.

“You think you could hide out here, you filthy defector?” Jasper growls and grinds her foot into the attacker’s chest. The Gem yelps, trapped between the boot and the wall. “Tell me your name. Now!”

“Bixbite!” she chokes out. “My name is Bixbite!”

“Well, nice to meet you, Bixbite. What are you doing on this outpost, so far from home?”

Bixbite groans as Jasper digs her foot in deeper. “I was stationed here… the rest of my division was wiped out in an attack. I- I was the only survivor.”

“And _this_?” Jasper removes her boot and lifts Bixbite by the crest on her shirt. “Do you know what this is, Bixbite?”

The red Gem scrambles to find balance in the air, grasping at the arm keeping her hostage. “It’s the symbol of Rose Quartz, our fearless leader!”

_Rose Quartz_. The way Bixbite says it strikes hope and fear into Peridot’s heart. It’s so stirring, so powerful. She can’t look away from the glittering star.

“Ah, yes. Rose, the fearless leader who abandoned you, left you to die in this forsaken tower.” Jasper lets Bixbite drop to the ground.

“Rose Quartz… fought against oppression and tyranny… she fought against Gems like you!” Bixbite roars.

“I’m done with this,” Jasper scoffs. “You can die now, at my hands, or die later, in front of the very command Rose Quartz failed to defeat.”

She is shielding the fact that Homeworld had lost. Bixbite has no clue about the status of the war. Peridot plays along, but is wary of violence. “Jasper,” Peridot says. “Let’s bring her back with us. You can’t gain information from a dead Gem.”

“She’s not a real Gem,” Jasper says. “She’s a traitor. I don’t negotiate with traitors. You, the Pearls, Rose Quartz… you’re all the same filth. You could die a thousand deaths in atonement for your crimes, and still be worth less than the scum on my boots.”

Bixbite shakes, her fists clenched tight. “You… how _dare_ you talk about Rose Quartz like that… As if you could even touch her shadow! We’re both soldiers... you’re just as bad as _**me**_!” she screams and reaches for her Gem. The glow envelopes the room as she pulls out two bright red battle axes, lunging at Jasper.

The suddenness of the attack throws Jasper off guard. One of the axes cuts her arm. She growls, unable to get in any blows while she’s dodging Bixbite’s blades.

Peridot stands at the control panel, completely afraid. Fear holds her in place. The cold feeling in her chest from earlier numbs her entire body. “Wait, Bixbite!” she exclaims. “Please! Stop fighting, we’ll take you back with us! No one has to get hurt!”

Bixbite turns to Peridot, eyes wild. She breathes heavily, tightening the grip on her weapons. Her eyes narrow. “I’m not on your side,” Bixbite snaps. Then she chucks one of her axes at Peridot.

If she had stayed in place, the axe would have burrowed into her midsection. Somehow, Peridot moves, dodges the weapon. It digs into the wall just above the control panel. She stares at it, then at Bixbite, who looks just as stunned.

“My turn.” Jasper wrenches the other axe from Bixbite’s hand and brings it down.

Peridot can’t look away.

Bixbite’s weapons dissolve into thin air, and with a poof, her Gem clatters to the ground. Jasper walks over to Peridot, clutching her arm. “You’re all right?” she asks.

“You’re the one that got hurt,” Peridot points out.

They both stare at Bixbite’s gem. “She tried to kill you, Peridot. And even if she went along with what you said, she would wait for you to let your guard down and kill you later. There’s no possible redemption that could have changed her… no redemption at all. Mercy is weakness. Don't give the enemy the benefit of the doubt."

Kill or be killed. Survival. No redemption.

No room for doubt. Allegiance or death, you can only choose one.

The world is cold, and Peridot will do whatever it takes to survive.

That’s what she thinks when she crushes Bixbite under her boot.


	6. tell me why i feel so alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wanna come with me for a second?” Steven whispered.
> 
> “Do I have a choice?” Peridot sneered, her confusion and worry turning to bitterness.
> 
> Steven nodded. “Of course you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I was out of stable wifi and a computer to type with for a week. 
> 
> Also, the events of the Stevenbomb have affected this story, but only slightly! Much of what I had previously written contained events that were explained/expanded on during the Stevenbomb. So this story is still noncanon, but it will absorb recent canon events. 
> 
> As always, thank you for all the feedback and support! Feel free to comment or shoot me an ask on Tumblr for more questions about the story.

Peridot had never been more frustrated in her entire life.

The Robonoid that Garnet returned with was in shambles. It was _beyond_ broken. Her hard work and delicate attention to detail, her great craft, besmirched! Everything Peridot had taken pride for in her design of the Robonoid was soiled.

There was no way she could repair it. She knew that. But she was going to try anyway.

Another annoying thing was Pearl. Pearl was, quite literally, breathing down her neck while she worked. She didn’t seem to understand the concept of personal space.

“Would you _please_  remove yourself from my person?” Peridot all but snarled, crushing the leg of the Robonoid that she had been trying to piece together out of rage. Pearl took a few small steps back. “Farther!” she insisted. “I can’t work while you’re arching over me like some beast.”

Pearl huffed, crossing her arms. “I’m trying to make sense of what you were doing. I can help you, you know. If you could just tell me what to do.”

“There’s no time to give you a thorough explanation without confusing you," Peridot said, aloof.

“Oh, Pearl’s only going to take that as a challenge.” Garnet crossed her arms, surveying the electronics that littered the table. She had long since grown bored, and only remained at the table to observe Peridot. Her shoulder no longer ached, but the stares Garnet gave from underneath her shades made Peridot shiver.

She rubbed her shoulder. The pain faded shortly after Steven left. The dark bruises spotting it had faded. She was sure that a second more under Garnet’s hand, it would’ve dislocated. But it was fine now.

Perhaps thanks to Steven. Thanks to… whatever he did.

“What did the- I mean, what did Steven do?” Peridot asked, hesitant, not expecting a response.

Garnet exchanged a glance with Pearl. Peridot knew they didn't want to say too much about Steven, in light of Jasper's reaction. They didn't want to endanger him. “He has some human qualities. But he also retained some Gem abilities from his mother.”

Their eyes drifted elsewhere, to above the door of their dwelling. Peridot followed their line of sight and saw a portrait of a majestic woman with giant pink curls of hair. She looked peaceful, but powerful. She could see Steven in her; he inherited more than just her powers. She knew the name before Pearl spoke it: “Rose Quartz.”

Peridot shivered again. The name unsettled her for so many reasons. Too many to list.

“Well, Pearl _did_ build a spaceship once,” Garnet said, returning to the earlier subject. “I wouldn’t count her out just yet.”

The Gem’s chest puffed with pride. “Of course! If I can build an almost functional spaceship, this should be no problem!”

“Ugh. Maybe. My first priority is retrieving my tablet data. Once that’s secured, mess with the schematics all you want.” She didn’t wait, but started examining the limbs before Peridot even finished speaking. She snatched her right arm away from Pearl with an annoyed huff.

She flipped a small panel near the end of her right arm. The wires were intact, thank goodness. Retrieval of her information would be easy.

Then Peridot examined the cracked pieces of her visor. She tried piecing them together, but it was useless. One too many chips on the technology would impair its whole function. She would have to find some other power source for her limbs to draw energy from, because her Robonoid was beyond repair.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cut that out!” Peridot yelped. Pearl was right behind her, _again_. “There's no way to repair my visor. I’ll have to find some other energy source.”

Pearl nodded, looking thoughtful. “Perhaps create some sort of panel, like the one with the wires, and put some source there. There are endless energy sources to draw from on Earth. And not just the one arm. You could have one for each.”

“An individual source for each limb?” said Peridot. It wasn't such a bad idea. “So… a bit like a program chip.”

Program chips were microscopic data cards implanted in some of her Robonoids for specific jobs. They would send and receive signals based on a specific mission. Program chips ensured less room for error, and were used on the most delicate missions.

“Yes, I suppose. Whatever that is.” Pearl shrugged. “But I don’t know what I’m talking about, after all, so don’t heed my advice!”

Peridot rolled her eyes. Pearl was proving to be more of an asset than expected. Without her visor, she thought she was useless. But now she had help to fix it. Too bad that her help, much to Pearl’s dismay, would help her to find Jasper, get back to the Kindergarten, call down their ship, and leave Earth. _I’ll be sure to thank her in my mission report when I return to Homeworld._

She went back to ignoring Pearl and Garnet as she tried to reactivate her tablet. After half an hour, she could hear a garbled noise. A faint image of her tablet projected from the end of her arm. “Yes!” she cried, breathless. Finally, something was going right!

Peridot continued fiddling with the wires until the voice is clear. ” _Crashed… earth… broken everything…_ ”

“What’s it doing?” demanded Garnet.

“Replaying my last mission log,” said Peridot. “I just have to… get the signal stable… then I can turn it off.”

She tweaks a wire and the tablet synthesizes before her eyes. Her own voice, loud and clear, rings through the temple. " _Can't be found is failure- the mission is a failure I'm FAILURE it FAILED I FAILED_ -”

“Can you turn that off?” asked Pearl, wincing.

“I’m trying! It’s a lot harder with these hands!” She rushed to shut off the sound of her own distress. When it finally ceased, she slumped against the counter with relief. She had been so scared, so sure she was going to die. Those thoughts still lingered.

On that happy note, the front door burst open.

“Ste-man and Amethyst in the house!” Amethyst screeched.

“We got donuts!” Steven sang out. That foreign word, donut, was also a pressing matter. What exactly was a donut? Probably some silly human thing. But it piqued her curiosity, seeing as just talking about it made Steven so happy.

“Look at all this stuff we got! Thought you guys might need some extra parts.” There was a loud clatter. Peridot turned around. Amethyst had dumped a variety of metal scraps onto the kitchen floor. “Oh yeah, and this thing, too.”

She pushed over what she thought Steven called a wheelchair. It was a chair with wheels. Steven must have noticed her dismay and said, “I can get a blanket for it so it’s more comfy!”

“That’s… not necessary,” she said. Steven ran upstairs anyway.

 _Stop being nice to me!_ Peridot wanted to scream. She turned her attention back to her right arm. She stabilized the tablet signal, and was able to turn it on and off , if she used the right wires. Now to transfer that to a tangible switch...

“Wow, cool!” Steven appeared beside her, setting his blanket down. “Do you have games on that and stuff?”

“Of course not,” Peridot huffed. “It’s purely informational.”

“But games are so fun!” Steven insisted. “I bet you could play Tetris on there!”

“Yeah, P-dot!” Amethyst snorted. “Let’s play some Tetris!”

“My name is Peridot, and I have no time or desire to play… whatever Tetris is.” Steven was being endearing and annoying, while Amethyst was being aggressive and annoying. At least she wasn’t being violent. Whatever Steven had said to Amethyst while they were out turned her boiling hatred into mild dislike. She was safe, for now.

“Before you go around playing Tetris, you’re going to clean up this mess!” Pearl demanded of Amethyst. The junk on the floor seemed to infuriate her.

“Then how come Peridot gets to keep her junk on the table?” Amethyst sulked.

“Because there’s no other place to put it! And until we find a proper work area for her, _not_  in the temple, this will have to do.” Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose. “Believe it or not, this is as annoying for you as it is for me.”

While Garnet helped Pearl cleaned up the junk Amethyst brought back, Steven sat on the counter next to Peridot, mindful of the fragile technology and tools. “I have something else for you!”

“Oh, _goody_ ,” Peridot grit out.

Steven set a bag in front of her and pulled out a… well, she didn’t know what it was. It looked circular and soft, with a small hole in the center. Smeared on top was some colorful, thick paste. She poked the doughy material. “It’s a donut! This one has frosting, so it’s extra good!”

Ah, yes. The mysterious donut. “What’s the primary function of a donut?”

“You eat it!” Steven said. He broke the pastry in half. “Some for me, and some for you!”

The gesture was touching. Gems didn’t require sustenance, but it seemed rude to refuse him. She wasn’t accepting kindness. She was fulfilling an order, a mission. Right now, it was her mission to try the donut Steven shared with her. Peridot had never eaten anything before, but that wasn’t going to stop her from making this mission a success.

She took a small bite. The puffy texture of the dough was odd, but not unpleasant. And the frosting was sweet.

“Do you like it?” Steven asked with bright eyes.

She hastily swallowed the rest of her bite, shivering as it went down. “It’s… adequate.”

“No one can resist a good donut,” Steven said, nodding as if the words were sage wisdom. “Especially not me!” He reached for the bag again, but Garnet snatched it away.

“No more for you until you’ve had a proper dinner,” Garnet insisted, not so subtle as she grabbed a donut for herself.

“How come you get to eat one?” Steven whined.

“I don’t need a proper dinner. Besides, Ruby likes donuts.”

“Well, then... Ruby should come out and fight me for them!” Steven said, and leapt off the counter into Garnet’s arms with a spectacular yell.

They were roughhousing for a little while longer until Pearl shooed them away from the kitchen so she could make dinner.

Peridot found a variety of useful tools left for her. One of them was a welding tool, which she thought she could use to construct a pair of hands. Her fingers hand disappeared, and she didn’t have the technology to replace them. While Steven and the Crystal Gems enjoyed dinner, Peridot worked. And worked. And her work was loud.

Fusing and hammering away at metal wasn’t a noiseless task, after all.

Steven came over at one point. Peridot lifted the metal mask protecting her face from the spout of flames and set down the welding device. “What is it?” she spat, annoyed at the interruption.

“Um, you were being kinda loud. Maybe you could take a break for a while! It’s game night, so we were thinking-”

“I would much rather finish this first,” Peridot said. Or die, that was also a plausible option.

“Too bad you don’t have a choice.” Garnet appeared behind her and pulled the metal mask away. Pearl grabbed as many tools as she could, and Amethyst grabbed Peridot herself.

“What the- put me down, I’m trying to work!” she exclaimed.

“All you’re doing is getting on everyone’s nerves,” Amethyst said. She set Peridot down in the wheelchair Steven had acquired for her.

“Do you not understand how important this is? The sooner it gets done-”

“Peridot!” Steven jumped over to her. “Just play one game, and then you can get back to work. _Please_?”

Peridot mulled over her options. “Fine,” she growled. “What idiotic game will I be forced to partake in?

“Monopoly!” Amethyst cried with excitement. “It takes, like, eight hours to finish one game!”

Peridot fumed with anger.

The game was confusing, to say the least. A piece was designated to each player, which they would use to travel through the hellscape of a game board. Garnet seized the “battleship”; Pearl took the “thimble”; Amethyst snatched the “race car”; Steven grabbed the “top hat”; and Peridot was stuck with the shoe. She had no idea what the other pieces were, but they all looked a lot better than her own.

She tried reading through the rule book, but she couldn’t read the strange human language. If her tablet was operational, and not just a flickering hologram controlled by some wires, she could translate it. Another reason to be working on her prosthetics, and not pandering Steven with silly games.

“Okay, Peridot, it’s your turn!” She rolled the dice Steven gave her and moved the required number of spaces. The square she landed on had several tiny blue houses, lined up in two neat rows. “Oh, you have to pay Pearl for landing on her property. Pearl, how much?”

“Five hundred and fifty dollars,” Pearl said, all too smug.

“How much is that?” Peridot wondered, turning to Steven for an answer. She had received a stack of colored paper in the beginning of the game. She had no clue how to use them. “Also, what’s a dollar?”

“Dollars are money! You can use a dollar to buy stuff. More dollars gets you more stuff. It’s the, uh… currency! Yeah! It’s the currency around here. But they use different currencies in different places. Like, in Europe, they use Euros.”

Peridot cringed, thumbing through the slips of paper. “Why is human bartering so complicated?”

Steven shook his head. “Never mind, just give Pearl and orange one and a blue one.”

Later on, as Amethyst haggled with Garnet on her fixed payment, Peridot turned to Steven again and asked, “How do you win?” The game ended with a winner. And she wanted the game to end. Immediately.

“In Monopoly, there are no winners. We’re all slaves to the system. At least, that’s what Connie told me!” Steven smiled, but it faded upon seeing Peridot become confused once again. “Sorry. I forgot, this is all new for you.”

Peridot felt an overwhelming sense of dread. If she was stuck on Earth much longer, she was going to lose it. Everything was too confusing. The only normalcy she had was the diamond emblem on her chest; her loyalty to Homeworld. Beneath it, she could feel those buttons, telling her where her ship and her partner were. Even if she had no way to find them. They were out there, somewhere.

“Wanna come with me for a second?” Steven whispered.

“Do I have a choice?” Peridot sneered, her confusion and worry turning to bitterness.

Steven nodded. “Of course you do.”

Peridot didn’t have a response ready for that. Instead of talking, she gave a timid nod. While Pearl was busy trying to stop Garnet and Amethyst from resorting to blows to settle their conflict, she and Steven discreetly left the house.

They sat on the deck outside. Peridot could smell the salt of the ocean, a soft breeze ruffled her hair, and the sun… The sun was warm and brilliant and _real_ even as it faded into the darkness of night. She could see vague stars, bright against the violet twilight. All these factors calmed Peridot, put a small bit of warmth in her chest. At least not everything about Earth was terrible. She wouldn’t mind being stuck on Earth if it meant she could sit on this deck and watch the sun fade in the sky.

“I love sunsets,” Steven said with a dreamy smile. “Sunrises are great, too, but I can never stay awake long enough to see them. I love my sleep too much! It’s a curse. Plus, after sunsets, you get to see all the stars.”

A loud crash from inside the house startled them both. “I’m sure they’re fine!” Steven laughed. Silence lapsed between them as stars flecked the early evening sky. “Are you homesick?”

Peridot shrugged. She should have said yes, because of her loyalty to Homeworld, and fear of consequence. But a small part of her was saying no; because of the sunset, of course! She wouldn't mind staying on Earth for a few more sunsets. “I don’t know,” she said at least. She had no idea what to feel, what to say. She had a steady routine that helped her get by; proper responses for every situation, and all that washed away when she met Steven.

“It’s nice here,” he continued. “The people, the places, the food…”

“I don’t like humans, or many Gems, for that matter, I can’t go anywhere, and I don’t eat.” She shut down his words, because that was the logical thing to do. It was logical for her to be loyal to her mission. Feelings of attachment and longings for safety were not. “I came here to do terrible things, Steven. You won’t like it if I stay.”

Steven forced a laugh. “Here’s a thought! Maybe you _don't_ do those terrible things you came here to do. Maybe you just stay _here_ , with me. And Garnet and Amethyst and Pearl. And… and be good.”

Peridot gave him a sidelong glance. She wanted to deliver a devastating remark, one that would ensure her villainous nature and the end of any more kind acts. But she toned it down. Made it simple and easy. “Maybe I can do my job. And leave this planet. With Jasper. Because I’m bad.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” said Steven in a soft voice. He lacked his earlier enthusiasm.

It was logical, right? It was logical for her to complete her mission and leave with Jasper because she was bad. She did bad things, and that made her a bad person. That was logic, plain and simple.

“Let’s go back inside,” Peridot said. She wheeled herself back to the door, not waiting for Steven to follow. The sky was dark and the stars seemed dimmer than before. And she felt cold again. But that was good. Peridot was cold and logical. And bad.

If she wasn’t, then who was she?


	7. so fragile on the inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems had taken to watching Peridot in shifts. Garnet was menacing as anything, but at least she didn’t talk to Peridot. Pearl was a little more annoying, insisting on improvements of her design, always bent over her shoulder. And Amethyst…
> 
> Amethyst was unexplainable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this chapter. I would have published this sooner, but my sister spent a week in the hospital, so I had to take a break from this for a short while. She's doing much better now, though.
> 
> Thanks again to all of you for your continued support of this story! Feel free to leave a comment or message me on Tumblr with more questions about the story. (I’ll keep them spoiler-free, maybe with an occasional hint at upcoming events).

The Crystal Gems had long since grown tired of Peridot; and finally, they did something about it. They moved her incredibly distracting and destructive workspace to an isolated spot on the beach. Their house was far away from any humans, so both parties were spared any painful interactions; and the Crystal Gems could watch her from a safe distance without speaking to her as well. Peridot didn’t have to talk to them, and they didn’t have to talk to her.

That didn’t stop Steven from continuing to engage in his persistent in his quest to befriend her.

One day, Steven was running down the beach, waving his arms to get her attention, and she noticed that he wasn’t alone. Accompanying him were two other humans. Peridot wrinkled her nose in distaste. She had the pleasure of isolation up until now. But it was foolish to hope it would last so long.

Braced for conversation, she wheeled over to the frantic child. “What is it, Steven?”

“I… sorry, I got so excited… I just wanted to… get here… faster!” He doubled over out of breath for a few more moments. When he stood again, his smile was bright and his face flushed. “I wanted them to meet you!”

He pulled the shorter human over. “This is my best friend, Connie! Connie, this is Peridot!”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Connie beamed. “Steven’s told me so much about you!” She thrust her hand out toward the technician, who stared at it with uncertainty.

“It’s a handshake,” Steven explained. “You do it when you meet someone new! You shake their hand and say hello!”

Peridot tentatively took the girl’s hand. Connie shook it with polite enthusiasm. “Hello, Peridot.”

“Hello… Connie,” she drawled. Was she doing it right? The human seemed much more excited about it. Maybe she needed to sound more energetic, as well.

Steven brought the other human forward. “And this is my dad!”

Peridot believed she understood the proper conduct, now. Without another word, she held out her hand and said, “Hello, my dad.”

Steven and Connie burst into giggles, while the tall human looked confused and embarrassed. Angry and confused, she said to Steven, “I followed your instructions. What is so funny?”

“No, it’s… it’s a human thing, I guess! Uh, eheh, this is my dad, but… everyone has a dad…” He wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, shaking so hard he lost the ability of speech.

“Uh, anyway… the name’s Greg.” He chuckled and gave Steven a fond pat on the head, shaking Peridot’s hand. “Steven’s a silly kid.”

“Clearly.”

“Hey buddy, are the Gems inside?” Greg inquired. With Steven’s affirmation that they were, the adult human left the children alone with Peridot and went inside the house.

She couldn’t understand why Steven and his friend didn’t go inside with Greg. Also, it was a little annoying. Meet a few humans? Sure, it was bound to happen eventually. But engaging them in conversation sounded like torture.

“Wow, look at this!” Connie stood by Peridot’s workstation which consisted of several tables pushed together and littered with blueprints, tools, and other mechanical things. “This is quite the set up.”

Peridot shooed the girl away. “I’m trying to work.”

“Oh, yeah, Steven told me about this.” She flashed a grin at the boy, then turned back to Peridot. “You’re super smart, huh?”

“She’s almost as smart as Pearl!” Steven exclaimed.

If there was one thing Peridot was certain of, it was that she was smarter than Pearl. So Pearl had a good idea or two that she borrowed for fixing her prosthetics… that was only because the ideas were convenient. Until she could get back home, she had no choice but to endure such shabbiness.

Connie stood next to Peridot, going over the blueprints and papers with a curious hum. “I think they might be on the same level. Maybe she can figure out how to engineer a real-life Dogcopter.”

Steven gasped. “That would be so cool! I tried putting a propeller beanie on Lion once, but it just wasn’t the same.”

“I have no idea what your, em… dog… copter... is, but I can promise you that I would never take part in something so ridiculous.” Peridot didn’t know what it was but that didn’t mean she was incapable of disliking it.

“No one can hate Dogcopter!” Connie said, outraged. “Steven, we have to correct this injustice immediately. Good thing I convinced my mom to buy the audiobooks for me on my phone.”

“Of course! We can’t let this injustice slide!” Steven agreed.

A few hours passed. Peridot managed to complete a functional hand compatible with her current prosthetics. And dogcopter wasn’t nearly as uninteresting as she thought it was. It served as an excellent background noise, pushing her to work harder to block it out.

Connie was quite knowledgeable, for a human. She would often pause the audio to explain something to Steven or go off on a tangent about a piece of trivia.

Humans were funny.

The book neared its climax. The children ran off further down the beach to act out an especially heroic scene in the last novel. Peridot insisted she stay and make sure nothing happen to Connie’s device; besides, she could watch from a distance. A far distance. By her worktables, where she could hear the hushed discussion going on inside the house.

She tuned out Dogcopter in favor of the conversation going on above her. Their words became louder and she heard the door of the beach house swing open, followed by several pairs of footsteps. She had gotten used to eavesdropping. The Crystal Gems had a nasty habit of talking about her when they thought she couldn’t hear.

“As you can see, we have everything under control.” Pearl sounded snide as ever. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I’m still not sure about this, Pearl.” Steven’s father had every right to be concerned. Peridot would never let Gems with such disregard for her technology supervise children, let alone contain a dangerous criminal like herself.

“She’s harmless, Greg,” Garnet said. “There’s nothing she can do to hurt us. And if she tries, well… She knows what’ll happen.” Garnet cracked her knuckles in tandem with Peridot’s shiver. She focused her gaze on Connie and Steven as they wrestled and rolled in the sand.

“All right… Well, to be honest, I expected someone a little scarier. The way you guys talked about her, you seemed terrified.”

Pearl let out a shrill laugh at that. “We were at first. Homeworld returning is… in short, it is a nightmare to think about. But our biggest concern now would have to be with her partner, Jasper. And she’s at the bottom of the ocean.”

Greg heaved a sigh. “Let’s just hope she stays there. But what about after? Peridot can’t do anything now, but what happens when she gets back to her old self?”

There was a beat of silence. “If necessary, we’ll bubble her. That’s the kindest solution I can think of. Otherwise…”

Peridot started shaking.

“But it shouldn’t come to that!” Pearl hastened. “And we’re a long way off from such a dire solution. We’re trying this Steven’s way. It’s what he wanted us to do. We have to trust him.”

“I know, and I do. This just doesn’t sit right with me.” There was a long stretch of silence before Greg spoke again. “You’re sure she can’t get in contact with any other Gems?”

“There’s no way,” Garnet assured him. “Like Pearl said, Jasper’s at the bottom of the ocean. And we destroyed her escape pod. Not to mention we crashed her ship. There’s no way for her to have a device hidden on her. But if there is, well… we may skip bubbling and go straight to our last resort.”

Peridot gripped the diamond crest on her uniform with bated breath.

Pearl broke the silence. “Just let us handle this one, Greg. This isn’t the first time we’ve had to coordinate with an enemy.”

“If this all goes wrong, though… I want Steven to come live with me for a bit. Take a break from all this funky junk. He’s not just a Gem, after all.”

“Of course.”

“Aaaaaaaaand that’s the end!” Steven dragged himself back over to Peridot’s work tables and flopped in the sand. “Whoo! I could take a nap right about now.”

“The mission isn't over yet, kiddo!” Greg came bounding down the stairs. “It’s time for Dogcopter to come out of retirement for a very important mission. He must acquire snacks from the boardwalk with his canine father!”

“Duty calls!” Steven sat up and grinned. “Let’s go, Connie!” He started running towards his parent, but stopped halfway there, and ran back to Peridot. “Oh yeah, we can totally get something for you from the Big Donut!”

Peridot became aware of the many eyes on her. She flustered at the attention. “I… I, uh… That would be very kind of you.” Eating and digesting the donut from several nights ago had been a strange, but not unpleasant, experience. She may as well learn more about Earth cuisine, if she was stuck on the planet for a while.

Connie came over and said, “I have more books on here if you want to listen to them. I’ll need my phone back later, but you can borrow it for now. It was nice meeting you, Peridot!” Peridot mumbled timid thanks in reply.

She watched Connie, Steven and Greg leave. At least she was alone now. Humans were confusing and distracting. She felt drained. Not only from talking to Steven and his friend, but the conversation she heard about herself.  She had to get back to work. She wouldn’t allow anything deter her from her mission.

“Wow. That was funny.”

Peridot jumped at the sudden voice, realized who it was, then settled back in her wheelchair with a scowl. “Greetings, Amethyst.”

The Crystal Gems had taken to watching Peridot in shifts. Garnet was menacing as anything, but at least she didn’t talk to Peridot. Pearl was a little more annoying, insisting on improvements of her design, always bent over her shoulder. And Amethyst…

Amethyst was unexplainable.

“Chill it, dude! It’s my turn to watch you. Not like I wanna be here anyway, but I’m glad I caught some of that. Oh man, I thought I was gonna _die_ laughing when you called Greg your _dad_!” She cackled with such gusto she fell off the rock she had perched herself on.

“Yes, it was hilarious.” Peridot growled, face flushing in anger.

“Hey,” Amethyst laughed between every breath as she tried to stand. “Y-you know what? You should… you should call Garnet _mom_ , see what happens!” She collapsed into giggles again and Peridot wished that she _would_ die of laughter.

“You’re the most annoying Gem I’ve ever met,” Peridot snapped. And that said something, considering she spent the better part of a millennia working with Jasper.

“Ooh, you hurt my feelings!” Amethyst feigned a sob. “Whatever. I’ve been called way worse than annoying. Besides, you’re annoying, too. Greetings, I’m Peridot, and I use an immensely vast repertoire of unnecessary words that just serve to flabbergast anyone unfortunate enough to speak with me!”

“Just leave me alone so I can get back to work!” yelled the technician.

They lapsed into silence. Amethyst played games on her handheld device, similar to Connie’s, while Peridot painstakingly removed Pearl's handiwork and attached on her improved left arm. She flipped a switch under the panel attached to the wrist and the power source came on. She stretched her hand, wiggled her fingers, gently testing the mechanics. This limb felt better than the clunky metal Pearl had given her. This was her own creation, and the weight was familiar. The design changed a bit, with rotating joints at the elbow and wrist; she even had a full hand. She missed her detached fingers, but the hand would serve her just as well.

“Wow. Cool. You should high-five me!” Amethyst said, noting Peridot’s fascination with her improved appendage.

“Ugh. I liked you better when you were trying to hurt me.”

“I’m past that. It’s not what Steven wants, and I’ll respect that. You do, too, right?” Amethyst hadn’t looked up from her game, but her voice turned hard and accusatory.

“... How so?” Peridot inquired.

“Well, you’re really trusting of him,” Amethyst pointed out. “You let him help you and let him give you food… you even let him rope you into Monopoly. And let me tell you, once we started, I wanted to toss that game out the window.”

“What are you getting at?”

Amethyst grinned, sly, like she held some great secret. “You act like you’re so focused on this... stuff," She gestured vaguely at Peridot's workstation, "and you keep acting like you’re going to get out of here the first chance you get… but you’re fine with staying.”

“What? No, I have to…” Peridot started to speak and quickly stopped. “Is this how you’re going to get me to reveal my escape plan?”

“I don’t care about whatever plan you have because first, it won’t work, and second, you don’t want to leave. Spout loyalty to Homeworld all you want, but you’re not going to go back.”

“You know nothing about me.”

“I’ve seen bad Gems before you and Jasper. I mean, really bad Gems. If you _were_ that loyal, you would rather have died than be taken prisoner by us.”

Amethyst was trying to mess with her, trying to get in her head, trying to make a fool of her. Peridot knew this was a trick, a lie, a ploy to get her to question herself and her actions. She was already doing that enough without Amethyst’s help, and now it was only going to get much, much worse.

She had begun to regret everything since she first accepted Steven's kindness.

“I’ve killed hundreds of Gems,” Peridot spat. “One moment of indecision won’t be enough to change that fact.

“Maybe,” Amethyst shrugged. “But it may be enough to change you.”


	8. a shadow resides by night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There must be a mother close by,” said Pearl under her breath. “Stay on your guard, everyone.” As she turned around, she froze in place, barely suppressing a shriek.
> 
> Garnet looked at the three of them and uttered, “Don’t move. And whatever you do, don’t look up.”
> 
> Peridot was far too tempted not to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with the second Stevenbomb, Week of Sardonyx may affect this story slightly. The last Stevenbomb confirmed several things I wanted to touch on in this story, and if there are more proven theories or similar elements in Week of Sardonyx that line up with this storyline, they will show up. 
> 
> Sorry if this chapter is a little long! I got so excited while writing it. These next few chapters are the ones I've been looking forward to writing the most. It's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride from here on out. As always, thank you for your continued support. Feel free to leave a comment here or ask me on Tumblr more about the story.

After the success of her first mission, Peridot’s Employer insists on continuing to pair her with Jasper. The missions range from simple to deadly, but they are always able to complete any task thrown at them. Through a combination of sarcastic wit and short temper, they flourish.

As it turns out, Jasper isn’t so hopeless with technology; it’s more that she doesn’t care. Peridot is unfortunately nowhere near her level of strength, but with the aid of her inventions, she can hold her own in a fight. Still, it’s some unspoken rule that Peridot is the brains and Jasper is the brawn.

Peridot is cautiously enjoying this freedom. She’s afraid that one day it will be ripped away from her. She’ll never see Jasper again, the only Gem she can talk to, the only Gem she can trust. She’s afraid that her Employer will catch wind of Peridot’s knowledge of the war.

She bottles the fear and shoves it to the back of her mind. The more she thinks, the more paranoid she’ll become. If she doesn’t think about it, if she acts like everything is fine, then everything _will_ be fine.

Time passes as time does. Nothing much changes for Peridot. She watches as drones are constructed in her image. They fill in the cracks of Homeworld’s capital cities, providing assistance to all who ask. She’s told to be proud of this. This is a new era. With the aid of her technology and her face, these drones will assist the populace in their miniscule wants and needs; Homeworld can focus on expanding their empire and rebuilding their resources.

Peridot will aid this cause as much as she can. Most of her missions with Jasper have been focused around recovering dead territory. She realizes that these are old territories that must have been lost during the war, but she never says anything. The look in Jasper’s eyes when they arrive at their location is enough to verify the truth.

They’ll talk about it in vague terms, sometimes. Peridot doesn’t ask about it, but she listens. Jasper will make a snide comment or two about the area, recalling other Gems she fought with. She remembers one Jasper spoke of in particular, who she often struck down, only to have her regenerate moments later.

She tries not to let her curiosity get the best of her. She wants to know, she wants to learn of what happened, she wants Jasper to tell her _everything_ about the war. But she can’t. And she refuses to let her thirst for knowledge be what ends her short existence.

In her downtime between missions, Peridot works on more projects. She finished the Visor Controller a long time ago. Her Robonoids are complete, as well, and have already assisted her on many missions. The demands only increase from there.

She’s working on something, a prototype for her Employer’s new ship, when Jasper comes in.

“Whoa. That’s... “ Jasper furrows her brow. “What is that?”

“It’s an escape pod.” Peridot lets the screen come down and extends her arms, summoning the controls. She moves the pod through the control of her fingers, pressing against synthesized digital screens. “And look at this!” With one more command, the pod begins filling with a strange liquid.

Jasper comes closer, staring in through the dark screen of the pod, squinting as she tries to make eye contact with Peridot. The technician laughs at this. “What is _that_?” She jabs her finger at the glass that divides them.

“Hey, careful! It’s like a cushion, for when the pod is damaged! It accelerates healing, too, if the pilot is injured. Not only that, it can be used to repair damaged sites.” Peridot doesn’t bother suppressing a smug grin.

“That’s pretty genius. What’s this for, anyway?”

“A new fleet model. Commissioned by my Employer.” Peridot lets the gel recede; it leaves a thin, sticky trace on her clothes, but she doesn’t mind.

“Except it’s not a commission, because you’re not getting anything in return,” says Jasper with the same self-satisfied attitude as Peridot.

“Oh, you’re just jealous because while I’m here, doing _important_ work, you have to go on missions without me.” The screen drops and Peridot climbs out of the pod, a little unsteady.

Jasper scoffs and gives her a shove. “As if! You’re wasting all your potential being cooped up in here.”

Peridot gives Jasper the most smug look she can: the ‘I feel sorry that you can’t understand how important my work is here’ look. “I like working. And I like not talking to people. Except you, sometimes. When you’re not being completely unbearable.”

“You really know how to hit where it hurts, Peridot.”

They sit down and have a chat, catching up with each other. Peridot hasn’t done much else besides work on whatever her Employer hands her. On the contrary, Jasper has been very busy. Returning to ravaged planets and stations, reclaiming bountiful lands that Homeworld had lost. Of course, she assured Peridot that no Gem, no matter how smart, could ever replace her on missions.

“I missed your terrible sense of humor,” Jasper admits. “All your snarky comments helped me stay focused on what was most important.”

“Well, I missed having my things broken every time you got angry.” Peridot replies.

It’s not a lie; she has missed Jasper. It’s been… what, ten years since they last spoke? Not too long, but it was long enough for her to grow tired of being alone. Jasper seems to feel the same way, underneath her gruff exterior.

“Hey, there’s supposed to be a meteor shower tonight,” Jasper says idly.

“So? A meteor shower is hardly worth celebrating. Just a lot of mess, cleaning up debris that flies astray.”

“Accept that you need to get out and appreciate the finer sights that space has to offer. It’ll be fun, Peridot. And I know the perfect spot to watch them.”

“Oh? Where is this perfect spot?” Peridot feigns interest, resting her chin on her detached fingers.

“The top of Diamond Tower.”

Peridot’s eyes widened. “You’re… you’re serious?”

Diamond Tower was reserved for the most elite Gems. It was where many members of the Hierarchy resided. It was where they congregated, whether for pleasure or business. Her Employer met there on several occasions; Peridot had come as her aid a few times. Even then, they barely let a Gem like her inside.

“I can get us in.” Jasper casually flexed, leaning against one of Peridot’s work tables. “It’ll be a cinch. We go in, we go out. Your Employer never even has to know you’re gone. Unless you’re too _scared_.”

Peridot couldn’t back down now. Surely, one night wouldn’t hurt her.

“Fine. You’re on.”

Jasper and Peridot leave her laboratory that night. The streets of the are brightened by the Grid beneath their feet, the Grid that power everything in the city. Lines of red, green and blue spool out under their every step. Peridot has seen them before - she’s helped improve failing sections - but for some reason, they’ve never served to enchant her until now.

Jasper pulls her along. “Come on, hurry up. You’re not going to get anywhere staring down at your feet.”

She lets Jasper drag her forward as she stares around the city. It seems much more beautiful at night. It seems ethereal, and Peridot wonders how she’s never noticed it before. It’s so captivating. It’s not warm like the stars that light other words, but it’s enough brightness to make the darkness seem charming. “It’s so bright!” she says with glee. “I can’t _believe_ how bright it is!”

“This has been right outside your doorstep for hundreds of years,” Jasper scoffs. “This only shows I was right. You _do_ need to get out more.”

Peridot doesn’t protest Jasper’s truth. She looks at the Grid and admires the illuminated city all the way to Diamond Tower. When they arrive at the entrance, she composes herself, adopting a look of cold disinterest. The guards don’t even blink as Jasper enters with Peridot by her side.

She waits with bated breath as they enter a lift that will take them to the top floor. She isn’t sure whether to be wary or grateful that they don’t encounter any other Gems along the way.

The lift comes to a stop and the door slides open. Peridot steps out into the chilly night air. The wind whips around them. She takes halting steps to the edge of the tower, gripping the railing that keeps them boxed in. Right above them is a diamond-shaped decoration. While it looks showy, Peridot guesses that it can also function as a transceiver. Oh, if only she could see the working mechanisms inside.

“Hey, it’s about to start.” Jasper directs her attention to the dark horizon. There’s a flash of light, streaking through the sky. It lights up faint silhouettes of the many moons surrounding the planet. Peridot holds her breath.

Several more shoot through the air. Soon, the entire sky is filled with the light from the meteors.

“This _is_ a pretty great view, right?” Jasper leans against the railing and grins at Peridot.

“Yeah, for a bunch of rocks falling from the sky and burning up in our atmosphere.”

Jasper shoves her, gently. She gives her a gruff smile. “You don’t know how to have fun, Peridot. Good thing I’m here to help.”

**.~*~.**

“Peridot! Per-iii-dooot!”

The technician bolted upright at the call of her name. “Yes?”

Steven stood at the edge of the table, grinning widely at her. “Come on! Let’s walk! Let’s walk! Let’s walk!”

Just this morning, she was proud to have finished fixing her prosthetics. Pearl had spent the past half hour fussing over the final design and helping her attach them. So while that happened, Peridot sat still, and allowed her mind to wander.

It had wandered too far.

“Sorry,” she apologized, blinking away her haze. Her hands tightened, gripping the armrests of her wheelchair tightly. Pearl stepped back between Garnet and Amethyst. The three of them watched her closely as if she was going to cause trouble as soon as she could stand.

The nostalgia lingering on her mind gave Peridot the strength she needed to stand. In one swift motion, she forced herself onto her feet. She swayed, unsteady, and latched onto the table’s edge for support. Steven gave her a wide smile.

Peridot let go of the edge of the table.

She managed to stand still all by herself after another minute of awkward balancing. Steven clapped enthusiastically in approval and the Gems followed suit, though a little less ecstatic. “Woo-hoo!” Steven exclaimed.

“Okay, well… now what?” asked Amethyst.

Ah, yes. That question had been plaguing Peridot ever since she started her project. What would happen to her once her limbs were fixed. Everyone looked to Garnet. Garnet seemed pensive, rubbing her chin with her hand. “Peridot, take a walk with Steven. Get used to moving around again. Soon as you’re able, we’re going on a mission.”

Peridot nodded, resisting the sudden urge to snap into a salute.

“A mission? Garnet, are you sure?” Pearl frowned.

“Yeah. It’s long overdue.” Then Garnet walked toward the house, Amethyst and Pearl trailing behind her with uncertainty.

“Since we got time, we could go to the boardwalk, or we could go to the arcade, or visit Lars and Sadie, or…” Steven began to rattle on a list of options while Peridot continued to stand. He noticed her hesitance and ventured, “Are you all right, Peridot?”

“I can’t move,” she whispered.

Steven reached for her hand and she shied away, almost toppling over. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he assured her.

“I know that!” she snapped. “I… I… don’t like contact. Of any kind. I hate it.” She shivered. That wasn’t entirely true. There was a time when she longed for it, something to tide over her loneliness, but now… now it only made her grimace.

“Sorry,” Steven winced. “I just want to help. Is… is it okay?” He held out his hand, waiting for Peridot to take it.

“In this instant… it’s permissible.”

She took the boy’s hand and he led her through several shaky steps across the beach. They made it off the sand and Peridot finally seemed to have gotten the hang of walking again. She still stumbled over the change in weight and design of her legs, but other than that, she was fine. Walking proved to be quite taxing, still, so they settled for walking up and down the beach.

Peridot kept her eyes on the gentle rise and fall of the tide against the sand. Steven, beside her, hummed and chatted away about several topics she had no knowledge of. Their peace was short-lived as, an hour later, the Crystal Gems reemerged from their dwelling. The duo went over.

Steven seemed ecstatic at the idea of a mission. Peridot, however, wondered what force on Earth would force the Gems to take action against it. There couldn’t be anything very dangerous on this planet, other than a gaggle of stupid humans. That was the most dangerous thing that came to mind.

“These missions tend to be unsafe,” Pearl explained. “but as long as you’re with us, there’s no need to worry. And it’s not as if we can leave you here all by yourself.”

She nodded. Peridot chose compliance over arrogance. It would save them all time.

Garnet stepped forward. “As such, you’ll stay close to Amethyst and Steven for the duration of the mission. Now, give me your hands.” She waited for Peridot to extend her trembling arms and then grabbed hold. Peridot wondered how easy it would be for her arms to be crushed under Garnet’s strong hands. She fought off every vile instinct telling her to twist away and waited for whatever the leader was about to do.

“Do we have to, Garnet?” Steven whined. He noticed Peridot’s discomfort and was ready to separate her from Garnet should the need arise.

“It’s this or Amethyst’s whip,” Peridot immediately began to favor Garnet’s alternative. “Once you’ve proven we can trust you, there’ll be no need for restraints.” From the gems on her hands extended a soft, crimson bubble. The strange energy enveloped Peridot’s hands up to her wrist joints. The mechanics in her hands went dead. Try as she might, they were unresponsive while sealed in the bubble.

They made their way to the warp pad inside. “What if she needs to summon her weapon?” Steven jogged alongside Garnet, still trying to insist that Peridot’s restraints were unnecessary.

Garnet mounted the warp pad. “If the need arises, I’ll remove it.” Peridot realized she was talking to her, now.

“Oh, right,” she stammered. “My weapon. The thing I, uh. The thing I use to fight. _That_   weapon.”

The Gems stared at her in quiet confusion. Amethyst burst out laughing. “Oh, man! You’re toast!”

“Amethyst, that’s not nice,” said Steven sternly. “I had a lot of trouble summoning my shield, too. I’m sure with a little bit of help, Peridot can summon her… whatever it is that you use.”

Steven talked as if she hadn’t tried.

“Steven’s right, the first summoning of a weapon takes a little work!” Pearl mused. “Besides, Peridot, I doubt there’s ever been a situation in which you were forced to engage in combat.”

“ _Peridots_ get plenty of field experience that’s plenty dangerous,” the technician ground out. “I simply didn’t need to summon one, thanks to my partner.”

Amethyst grimaced. “Can we _not_ talk about Jasper? Let’s just get going, already.”

With that remark, they mounted the warp pad, and were sucked into the energy stream. Steven floated next to Peridot with a smile, even though Amethyst had a rough grip on her forearm, in case Peridot ‘tried something’. Whether or not she thought of throwing herself out of the warp stream and into space, a much better alternative than her current situation, was nobody’s business.

“This is great! This is where I first saw your Robonoids!” Steven exclaimed. “They were all coming from all these different directions, and from space! It looked like a meteor shower!”

“I doubt you’ve ever experienced a real meteor shower,” Peridot said with the hint of a brag. “I’ve seen craters that span several cities.” Steven gaped at her. His enthusiasm made her crack a small smile.

Their warp ended. Peridot was almost glad to have Amethyst’s grip on her arm, it helped her balance when they landed. She took a look around the area. A deep, dark forest with imposing trees. The foliage cast an ominous shadow over the area. She shivered, chills running down her spine.

Garnet took the head of the party; Pearl trailed close behind; Steven, Amethyst and Peridot made up the rear. “So, what _is_ your weapon?” Amethyst asked, nudging Peridot’s side.

“I spent a hundred years trying to find out, with _Jasper's_ help, and it never manifested.” Peridot had no need for a weapon with her technology. Then again, it would sounded useful, considering all she had now was her tablet.

Amethyst snorted. “Pfft, a hundred years? That’s like quitting a marathon after taking ten steps!”

“That’s a fairly long time!”

Pearl turned around, suddenly, a spark of interest in her eyes. “Wait, how old are you, Peridot?”

She didn’t know the exact age, but pondered the question anyway. “Four thousand years, perhaps. It’s fuzzy. I’m older than most Gems I know, however.”

Pearl and Amethyst exchanged wide-eyed glances. “What’s the big deal?” huffed Steven. “I’m less than four thousand years old, too!”

“Well, of course. You’re half-human, Steven. Gem age is most often a reflection of the current state of mind. However, some classes of Gems are viewed as older or younger, depending on how long they’ve been around. Why, I must have been Peridot’s age when I first met your mother, give or take a thousand years.” Pearl trailed off, her stare caught between Peridot and her own feet.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re old as dirt,” laughed Amethyst. “I vote we make P-dot the official baby of our little band.”

“I second that!” grinned Steven. “I’ve always wanted a younger sibling!”

“You’re both impossible,” Peridot grumbled. “You may think I'm young, but I’m far from folly. Service Gems are versed in a variety of professions, from difficult technical missions to cleaning and maintenance. We do anything and everything.”

“Without any credit,” Pearl huffed under her breath. “Homeworld hasn’t changed much in that regard.”

“I think you’ll find a lot has changed since your last visit to Homeworld.” They stared coldly at each other for a long minute until Garnet pulled Pearl forward, forcing her gaze away.

“Keep it civil, you two.” Garnet ordered. Her glare lingered on Peridot for a few moments before they forged ahead again.

“Aaanyway.” Amethyst cleared her throat, hoping to break the tension. “Maybe if we shake you up and down for an hour something will pop out of your Gem.”

“That seems counter-productive,” Peridot replied.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do to _stop_  me?”

“I’m sure Steven wouldn’t allow such an idiotic event to-” She looked around for the boy, only to realize he moved on ahead with Pearl and Garnet.

“I know being sarcastic and terrible is your shtick, but you may wanna leave Pearl out of it,” muttered Amethyst. Peridot scowled, and she continued, “ _You're_ annoying, but having Pearl freak out is _way_   more annoying. Trust me, you don’t want to go there.”

Peridot resigned herself to silence. She had done a lot of thinking the past couple of days. Peridot was proud to be herself. The chances she’d been given to live were never taken for granted. She was happy to be a faithful servant. Completely dedicated to a Gem and a cause. Before beginning to question her loyalty, those feelings had been so strong. Now they had begun to waver.

Had Pearl felt that way before, too?

Garnet held up a hand, suddenly, and the Gems coasted to a stop. Peridot looked around. “Why did we stop?”

Amethyst shushed her and summoned her whip. The other Gems followed suit. Steven returned to Peridot’s side, a glowing shield on his arm. The same shield he first used to protect his friends from Peridot when she arrived on Earth with Jasper. Now he was using it for her.

It was a little too much to take.

The ground rumbled, interrupting her thoughts. Peridot looked around wildly, trying to pinpoint where it was coming from. Steven let out a small squeak and she looked down. A creature skittered over Steven’s foot. It had several legs. It was like nothing Peridot had ever seen.

“Bad day to wear sandals,” he muttered, wincing as the thing made its way over his feet to Peridot’s.

She kicked it away with a grimace, smushing it under her boot for extra measure. To her dismay, several more crawled across the ground seconds after that. She counted the legs; there were eight tiny limbs per creature. “What are they?” she hissed to Steven.

“Spiders,” he said quietly. He shooed another one away, nudging it with his toe. “Why are there so many?”

“There must be a mother close by,” said Pearl under her breath. “Stay on your guard, everyone.” As she turned around, she froze in place, barely suppressing a shriek.

Garnet looked at the three of them and uttered, “Don’t move. And whatever you do, don’t look up.”  
  
Peridot was far too tempted not to.

She stared into a hideous, hairy face with four glowing eyes. The creature’s body was jet black, with an enormous torso and eight strong legs. She didn’t know much of Earth’s creatures, but based on what she encountered on her feet only moments ago, she assumed it was a giant spider.

Peridot gave the monster a feeble grin. It roared in her face before it charged, its front two legs crashing down on her.

Amethyst acted fast. She shot out her whip, snagging Peridot and Steven at the same time, and pulling them close to her. Steven raised and expanded his shield, barely in time to stop the creature from squishing them. Its talons scratched against the shield, but no damage was done.

While she was pushed to the ground, with the creature rising above her, Peridot could see something glowing on its underbelly.

“Can’t you listen for one second?” Amethyst groaned, yanking Peridot to her feet. With one great heave, Steven pushed the creature off his shield and away from them. Amethyst tucked Peridot under one arm, Steven under the other, and ran back to Garnet and Pearl. The monster behind them regained its momentum and charged again.

Garnet engaged the monster head on, slamming it right between the eyes with her gauntlet. That only served to enrage it.

“Steven, stay back,” Pearl ordered, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t let her out of your sight.”

He nodded, pulling Peridot close to him. “Got it!”

Pearl and Amethyst joined in the fray, attacking the monster with all they had. However, the beast’s thick skin proved impervious to their weapons. Steven bounced anxiously beside Peridot, wishing to join the fight.

“Its stomach,” Peridot said, recalling when the creature first attacked them. She repeated herself, louder, to the battling Gems. “Its weakness is the stomach!”

Pearl paused, turning back to her amidst the chaos. She gave a curt nod in understanding and turned back to her friends. “Garnet, get the legs!” With a nod, the fusion crippled the monster, firing her gauntlets at its extra long limbs. “Amethyst, flip it over!” The purple Gem snagged the beast by its neck. With an enormous surge of power, she dragged the creature through the air by her whip and flipped it onto its back.

The beast wailed, its gem exposed. Pearl delivered the finishing blow with her spear, striking its only weakness. With a loud poof, the monster’s physical form dissolved. It had gone back to its natural state.

“Wow,” Steven breathed. He broke out into a smile. “That was _awesome_!”

“Let’s get this back to the temple,” Garnet said. She took the Gem in her hands and formed a bubble - much like the one that restrained Peridot. With a flash, the bubble disappeared. “Nice work, Pearl.”

The Pearl flushed. “Peridot was the one who noticed where its gem was located.”

“Except she almost got me and Steven killed!” Amethyst bemoaned. She brushed a spider off her shoulder. “Eugh, I’ll be picking these out of my hair for a week.”

Garnet nodded in Peridot’s direction. “We’ll work on being more discreet next time. Still, you survived. That’s something to celebrate.” She grabbed the bubble constricting Peridot and dissolved it. “You won’t need it for the warp back.”

“Yay!” Steven cheered. “Another successful mission. I say we go celebrate. Who wants donuts?”

“I’m always down for donuts,” grinned Amethyst.

Peridot concealed a small smile of her own as they headed back to the warp pad.

She was so uncertain, now. Uncertain of the Crystal Gems, who she first thought to be monsters. Unsure of her superiors, who she thought were her saviors. Unsure of the priority of her mission. The cause of this uncertainty started with Steven.

That night, she was confined to the couch in the living room. Steven went to his loft to perform some kind of exercise called ‘sleep’. Peridot was unsure of the specifics, but it would apparently take him all night to complete.

The Gems retreated to their temple for the night, promising extreme punishment should Peridot step out of line. And for extra precaution, Lion was curled up by the warp pad. That was fine. She needed to be left alone, and she had no intention of leaving. At least, not yet.

Peridot thought of the meteor shower. She thought of Jasper. She clutched the crest on her uniform.

Whipping her head around to make sure she was alone, she opened the panel on her right arm and switched on her tablet. “This is Peridot, performing coordinate check to determine my escort’s status.” She pulled the diamond off her uniform and pressed it to the tablet. It glowed, briefly, then began to load as it searched for the other signal that connected the insignias.

Peridot was certain she would die if she failed to complete her mission. She was certain she would do whatever it took to survive. And she was certain that could only be done with Jasper’s help.

She heard a sudden whoosh and realized the door to the temple was open. Peridot fumbled with the emblem, securing it back onto her uniform. Her tablet pinged loudly and she muttered a curse. She navigated to a random file just in time to see Pearl peek around the corner, a book tucked under her arm.

“Garnet suggested I keep watch,” Pearl murmured, so as not to wake Steven. “I don’t sleep anyway, so it’s fine.”

It was definitely not fine for Peridot, but she said nothing. She kept her gaze on her tablet.

“What are you doing?” asked the Gem, taking a cautious step toward her.

“Reading an old mission file,” Peridot returned smoothly.

“What’s the title?”

Of course, Pearl still didn’t trust her. “I can’t communicate with anyone through my tablet,” she assured her. She couldn't send messages back to Homeworld without a much larger frequency, anyway. “Some of its primary functions have ceased without the proper technology. And, since you’re so interested, I’m reading about-” she glanced at the screen before continuing, “The Apatite Outpost.”

How peachy.

Satisfied, Pearl went into the kitchen. Peridot remained still on the couch. After a moment, she flicked off her tablet. She didn’t feel much like reading anymore.

Pearl sat cross-legged on the floor, her book and a mug of something warm set on the nearby table. She flipped through a few pages before deciding that she had enough of reading, as well, awkwardly took a sip of her drink.

Something came to mind and Peridot straightened up. “Can I… ask a question?” With a nod from Pearl, she struggled over her words, unsure of how to phrase it. “When you were fighting the… giant spider, was it? Well, after it retreated to its Gem, your leader did something to contain it. With my hands, too. What was it?”

The Pearl laughed a bit, looking amused and puzzled. “What? Bubbling?”

“Is that what it’s called?”

“You’re… serious. You don’t know what bubbling is?” Pearl’s hands gripped her mug, idly tapping away at the ceramic.

Peridot shook her head. Pearl’s expression morphed from confusion to a tense frown.

“You say you’ve never been able to summon a weapon?”

“I already explained that. There’s never been a need for it. I… I have tried, though. But what’s that have to do with bubbling?”

“Bubbling is a containment method. We seal away corrupted Gems to preserve them in their current state. It’s the best we can do for them. But…” Pearl’s frown deepened. Something troubled her greatly. “You said you were older than most of the Gems you know?”

Peridot nodded. “Save some, yes. There are, of course, warriors and my superiors that are much older…”

“And they all have their own weapons.”

“Yes. Why so many questions?”

“Have you ever seen them bubble a Gem? Or shapeshift?”

“What are you talking about?” Peridot snapped. “ _Shapeshift_?”

“Change their form.”

“The only way to change form is through regeneration. And even then, the slightest altering of appearance is forbidden.” That had always been an unquestioned rule, especially for Peridots. There was no need for individuality within drones.

Pearl’s hands shook around her mug.

“Are you all right?” Peridot ventured with caution. She didn’t understand why this was such a shock to Pearl. Why she was so scared. She looked terrified.

“You… you’ve never heard of any of those before today? Bubbling? Shapeshifting?”

Peridot shook her head.

“Then that’s… well, I…” Pearl trailed off.

“What are you _talking_ about?” Peridot burst, frustrated with Pearl’s lack of communication.

There was a harsh snort from above them and they froze. There was a soft mumbling and the noise ceased. “He’s still asleep…” Pearl muttered with relief. She composed herself and stared down at the table. “Never mind. It’s too late for this, and I don’t want to wake Steven.” She returned to her book again, one shaky hand still tightly gripping her mug.

Peridot still had no idea what Pearl had been talking about. She wasn’t sure she wanted to find out, either. She relaxed onto the couch and, with a great sigh, rolled over. “Amethyst was right. You _are_  annoying.”


	9. the shackles and the dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My parents said I can stay the night!” Connie exclaimed.
> 
> “We get to have a sleepover together!” Steven cheered. “We’ll get you a sleeping bag!”
> 
> “Steven! Do you know what this means?” Connie said with stark urgency. He looked at her with all seriousness, and she said, “We can sleep on the beach!” The children continued to shriek with joy and Peridot decided it was better to go along with it than question their motives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's also a little long, oops. Also, did anyone else lose it when Peridot having prosthetics was confirmed? I know I did. Thanks for all your comments, kudos, bookmarks and etc! You guys rule. As always, if you have any additional questions about the story, feel free to leave a comment or message me on Tumblr about the story (with relatively spoiler-free answers).

Peridot did her best to avoid Pearl after their late night chat. Whatever Pearl thought she figured out seemed to completely unnerve her. Peridot wasn’t sure  _what_  Pearl realized, but she was positive that she didn’t want to know. In alternative to getting pestered with questions and timid stares seeking answers, she made an effort to socialize with Steven.

He seemed all for this shift in attitude. Peridot used to remain by her workstation at all hours - ‘allergic to fun’, as the boy put it - but since she fixed her limbs, there was no need to confine herself there.

The Gems still kept constant vigil over her, especially when she was with Steven, in case she tried something while they pored over Earth’s marvels together. But, they were getting more lenient on that matter, much to her pleasant surprise.

Speaking of Earth’s marvels, Steven recently introduced her to books. Peridot had always viewed information through a screen. This was different, but not in a bad way. Books had a welcome weight in her hands. Steven gave Peridot simple ones to start; books about learning to read and write the variant of human language that he was most accustomed to. She picked up fast, much to his delight, and they moved onto more complicated novels.

Most of the books came from a heap of junk in Amethyst’s room that used to belong to Steven’s father. Others, Steven borrowed from some place called the library. One afternoon, they were having a nice, quiet time reading together, when Amethyst decided to come over. Peridot tried in vain to block out the conversation she was having with Steven.

“Oh, it’s been great! We’ve been doing lots of reading!”

“Huh! I didn’t think anyone was boring enough to actually want to read. Besides Pearl, of course. And me when I get  _super_  bored.”

The mention of the Gem only served to anger Peridot. “If you would keep it down,” she growled. “I’m trying to see whether these children are going to get eaten by lions.”

Amethyst snorted. “Yeesh. ‘The Veldt’ isn’t exactly a kids book…”

Steven frowned. “She’s reading from the Magic Tree House series!”

“Oh, that’s my favorite!” a sudden voice rang out. Peridot turned to see Steven’s friend, Connie, running down the beach towards them. “It’s one of the first series I ever read.” Peridot started to tune out their conversation in favor of finishing her book, but it proved impossible when Connie skidded past them, sending sand flying everywhere. A sword was slung in her right hand. It was an odd sight.

Steven gasped in admiration. “Are you-”

Connie just grinned. “You guys haven’t seen anything yet, have you?”

Amethyst shook her head. “It’s been pretty chill over here.”

“What’s going on?” Peridot was finally curious enough to ask.

“I’m training,” said Connie. Her eyes darted around, wild, searching for some invisible enemy. A shift in the atmosphere startled her. A figure burst from the sky, flying in from an unknown direction. The flickering image charged for Connie.

The child swung her sword and sliced through the assailant. The hologram let out a defeated, “ _Challenger wins_!” and faded in a flash.

Steven and Amethyst cheered. Peridot showed appreciation through a few timid claps. Connie smiled with sheepish pride and sheathed her sword. “That was amazing!” Steven said, giving his friend a high-five. “You’re getting so good, Connie!”

“Aw, thanks!” she laughed. “I’m not that great…”

“Steven is right, you’re making excellent progress, Connie.” Pearl appeared as startling as the hologram and Peridot was quick to return to her book. “I think that’s enough for today. You deserve a break. If you’d like, I can make you some tea.”

“That would be great, thank you!” Connie beamed.  

“Steven, would you like some?”

“With lots of honey, please!” he requested. “Peridot, do you want any tea?”

She stiffened under the attention and buried herself deeper in her book. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Pearl huffed as she went back inside.

“Touchy touchy,” Amethyst hummed. “Oh, by the way, I call dibs on your tea bag, Steve-o. And Connie, if you’re not going to eat yours…”

“Go ahead and have it,” Connie told her, taking a seat beside the Gem in the sand. She wiped the sweat off her forehead and sighed.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” Steven said, scooting closer with a concerned look.

“Oh, I’m fine. It’s just a lot of work. But I’m sure it’ll pay off when I finally get to go on missions with you guys.”

“You’d be a lot more help than P-dot,” said Amethyst, jabbing her thumb at the accused.

“I didn’t want to go in the first place! It was  _your_  mistake to insist on taking me.” Peridot found reading impossible, now, and set the book aside. She was due for an argument anyway.

“You took Peridot on a mission before me?” whined the girl. “Next you’ll be telling me that you’ve been teaching her to fight, too.”

“No, she can’t fight at all!” Steven assured his friend.

“ _Rude_.”

Amethyst shrugged. “Well, it’s true. She doesn’t even know how to summon a weapon.”

“I’m right here, you know!”

Connie’s face split with a wide grin. “I have a great idea! You can train with me! Technically, Pearl will be teaching us-”

“No thanks,” Peridot scoffed. She wanted nothing to do with Pearl at the moment. Instead, she said, “I don’t want to hurt you.” It came out snobby and prideful, because no matter how impressive her fighting skills were, Steven’s friend was  _human_ , and Peridot was a  _Gem_. It would be all too easy to hurt her.

The human narrowed her eyes. “Oh? Then let’s test it out.”

“Hm?”

“Let’s fight!”

“Right now?”

“Of course! Unless… you’re scared of  _me_  hurting  _you_.”

Steven grinned and Amethyst hollered with laughter.

Peridot stood, dusting off the sand that clung to her uniform. “Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, human.” Peridot was not a fighter. She did not know how to summon a weapon. But she had her durable limbs. And, of course, she was a Gem. That gave her an unfair advantage. Winning against the child would be all too simple. She just had to make sure she didn’t hurt Connie to an unnecessary extent.

“You say human like it’s a bad thing,” muttered Connie with a roll of her eyes. She took a fighting stance, gripping her sword tight. “Being human doesn’t make me incapable of winning.”

Peridot would have loved to argue more on that subject, but Steven interrupted, stepping between them. “Okay, let’s set some ground rules! First off, no killing each other. And to make this simple… first one to land a hit wins! We’ll start on my signal. Sound good?”

Connie and Peridot nodded. Steven stepped away from them. Amethyst was grinning with glee. “Aaaand…  _go_!”

Peridot ran for the child. If she could knock her down first, then-

And suddenly,  _she_  was the one falling down. The human waited, stepped aside at the last second, keeping her foot stuck out to trip Peridot. She tumbled and landed face-first in the sand. She felt a sharp tap on her back, presumably the girl’s sword.

“Connie wins!” Steven exclaimed.

“Nice try,” Amethyst snarked, still offering a hand to help Peridot up. She refused and got to her feet, leaning to the right in an unsteady fashion.

“You caught me off guard,” Peridot huffed as way of an explanation. “If I was in my prime, you would be nothing but cinders.”

“I doubt that.” Pearl was sudden to appear and Peridot suppressed a curse. She approached with a tray full of steaming mugs. “Connie is an excellent fighter. And you’re inexperienced. With time, perhaps, you’ll grow.”

Peridot hated Pearl talking down to her. She hated to admit that Pearl was right, but she was. She said nothing, dusted herself off once again, scraping off the more persistent grains of sand in a violent manner. She focused on that instead of her burning face while Pearl handed Steven and Connie their drinks. Then she picked up the book she had no interest in finishing and pretended to read again, just so to avoid talking to anyone.

Much to her disdain, Pearl decided to sit down and join the conversation. There was a bit of awkward small talk, trying to lighten the mood, and Peridot was having none of it. Steven scooted over to Pearl and they held a hushed conversation. For once, Peridot didn’t feel like eavesdropping.

“Here, Amethyst!” He moved from Pearl to her, handing over his mug. “I’m going to go do something top-secret now but I’ll be back in ten minutes don’t follow me bye!” Peridot had no time to brace herself when Steven grabbed her hand and dragged her along with him back to the house.

“Slow down! Where are you taking me?”

“Inside! I have an idea!”

Steven hollered for Garnet as soon as he entered the beach house. Peridot tensed, bristling with apprehension. A moment later, Garnet entered from one of the temple doors and greeted them. “Something wrong, Steven?”

“No, everything’s fine! I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Before Garnet could ask, Steven plowed right on, “Since Pearl is training Connie to fight, I was wondering if you could help me teach Peridot to fight and summon her weapon. Please, pretty please?”

Garnet folded her arms, weighing the risks. “Hm… well… I don’t see any harm in it. At least, not for me.”

“I’m satisfied with my current combat skills.” Peridot told Steven, shifting away from Garnet. She wasn’t ready for any situation that involved fighting or Garnet; and especially not together.

“Aw, Peridot! Don’t chicken out now!” Steven gave her a friendly push. “Garnet’s a good fighter-” All the more reason for Peridot to be wary, “-and you could learn a lot from her!”

“Yeah, I am pretty incredible,” Garnet said with a smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll go easy on you.”

Peridot had a feeling that Garnet going easy on her would still be enough to deal a fatal blow. Especially since she had gone down so fast at the hands of a human…

A different mindset overtook Peridot. She couldn’t let that happen again. If she couldn’t win against a human, then how was she expected to complete her mission and escape? Peridot was stubborn, but she wasn’t anything close to strong or brave like she needed to be.

“I’m guessing you’ve never had any formal training?” Garnet guessed.

“No,” she said. “I… I’ve tried summoning a weapon before, but I’m…”

“You don’t know how. And you’re not supposed to. Right?”

Peridot had no desire to speak against Homeworld and so nodded in silence.

“Of course.” Garnet pursed her lips and sighed. “Steven, this was your idea?”

“And Pearl’s.”

“Right, then. Get over here, champ, I’ll need your help with this. We’ll leave the sparring for another time.”

Steven ran to Garnet’s side, bouncing from foot to foot. He grinned at Peridot. “Welcome to Gem Classroom! Today we’re going to teach you how to summon a weapon! The first step is to have fun and be yourself!”

“How exactly does that factor into a battle?” snorted Peridot.

“Easy! You have to reach inside yourself for your weapon. Literally and figuratively.”

Garnet said, “It’s a manifestation of your will to fight. A Gem’s weapon is, in part, the essence of that Gem. Summoning it should be easy. It will be harder for you since you’ve never managed to do that. However, as was the case with Steven, something random could trigger you into summoning it.”

“Like if you’re eating ice cream!” Steven chimed in.

“You’re an inexperienced Gem. And your specific...  _type_  of Gem doesn’t have a focus for combat. This won’t be easy, but it won’t be impossible.”

Peridot knew she was in the lower tier of Homeworld’s hierarchy, considering she was a drone. But she made up for it in other ways. She was itching to reply, but Garnet wasn’t being harsh. She was laying out the simple truth. That only made her words sting more. “Right. How exactly do I summon my weapon, then?”

Garnet gave a wry chuckle. “You must figure that out for yourself.”

Silence stretched long until Peridot realized that was the entirety of their lesson. “Are you kidding me? That’s all you have to say?”

Steven shrugged. “It’s hard to explain. And hard to do. I couldn’t summon my shield for a long time and I’m still working on it. But you’ve got us to help you out!”

“This is ridiculous,” Peridot sighed. “I thought you were teaching my to summon my weapon, not give me a lecture. What's the point if I can't do it now?”

“There are no shortcuts,” Garnet said. “If you wish to become strong, then you must work for that strength. Be strong enough so you can rely on yourself when there’s no one left to rely on.” She adjusted her sunglasses and turned to Steven. “You’re a good teacher, Steven. I think it’s only proper to reward that attitude with some pizza. Keep Peridot company while I’m gone.”

Garnet’s words rang in Peridot’s head long after she left. After a few minutes of staring blank at the floor, not responding to Steven’s attempts to catch her attention, she sat on the couch. Today was full of nothing but bitterness. First, beaten by a human. Then schooled by a fusion.

Steven sat beside her, playing with his fingers in a nervous manner. “Peridot?”

She cracked one eye open. “What?”

“You’ll get the hang of your weapon in no time, I’m sure of it.”

Peridot looked away. “That’s not… That’s not important. I don’t care that much about summoning a weapon, but the- Pearl, Pearl spoke to me the other night. After we went on that mission.”

“What did she say?”

“Homeworld is different than Earth,” Peridot said. “And your Gem guardians have developed apart from my own comrades. So there are many differences between us. My lack of knowledge on shapeshifting and bubbling rattled her.”

“I can do those!” Steven said. “I mean, I can bubble stuff. I haven’t tried shapeshifting in a while. Wait, can’t you?”

“No.”

“That’s… kind of weird.”

“ _How_? How is it weird?” she groaned, crossing her arms and scowling. “I bet it's just some trick they picked up to amuse themselves being stuck on this horrid planet for so long!”

“Aw, come on. Earth isn’t that bad! You seemed to like those geography books. And donuts.”

“Hmph.”

“Well… I guess Pearl just thinks it’s weird. She’s probably used to a different… Homeworld… than the one you know.” His eyebrows knit in concentration. He was thinking hard about something. “She probably still misses it.”

“That’s likely.”

“Just like Lapis.”

Silence stretched between them. Peridot was sick of all the uncomfortable topics brought up, all in one day. “Hey, we could go hang out with Connie some more,” he suggested. “She won’t beat you up, I promise.”

“I… will join you later. I would like to be alone.”

Steven left her and Peridot was grateful for the silence. She could only handle so much social interaction per day. Besides, there were other important matters to attend to.

Peridot turned on her tablet. Jasper’s coordinates were locked into the device. She spent several days studying books on Earth’s geography to recreate the planet’s landscape and place her partner’s coordinates on it. It was proving to be more difficult than she first thought to render and place the location accordingly, but she was getting there.

She spent an hour or so piecing together the model of Earth when she heard steps coming up to the beach house. She would have closed her tablet, but stopped with relief when she saw the figure entering was Steven’s pet.

Lion curled up on the couch next to her. “You’re just a dumb animal,” she said with a sigh. “You don’t eat human children, and you won’t do anything to me.”

Lion growled, as if willing to test that theory.

Peridot rested a hand on the animal’s snout, petting it gently. She had seen Steven do it. Lion seemed to like it, nuzzling his head into Peridot’s metallic palm. The faintest sensation of softness registered in her mind. It tickled.

Before long she abandoned her tablet in favor of petting the creature. It was therapeutic. Lion rolled on its back and stared at Peridot, unblinking, for several minutes.

“Cut that out,” she said. “It’s weird.”

Lion refused and continued to stare.

Peridot flicked Lion’s nose. “All right, that’s enough. I have very important things to do. And you’re not going to keep distracting me.” Lion took that as a challenge and snuggled up to Peridot flicked Lion’s nose. “All right, that’s enough. I have important things to do. And you’re not going to keep distracting me.” Lion took that as a challenge and snuggled up to Peridot, shoving its mane in her face. “I said quit it, you hairy clod!”

Lion didn’t listen. After several frustrating minutes, Peridot managed to twist away from the insistent animal, retreating to the kitchen. She heard the door open behind her and sighed with relief, under the assumption that Lion was going outside. “Finally. Leave me in peace.”

“Peridot!” She was wrong. Steven bounded through the door and raced up to her. “Peridoooooot!”

“Guess what, guess what!” Connie was right behind him.

Lion decided that now was a good time to join in the fray, and entered the small kitchen to see what the fuss was all about. The three of them circled Peridot like a pack of predators, Connie and Steven chanting with manic glee, until Peridot screamed, “ _What_!”

“My parents said I can stay the night!” Connie exclaimed.

“We get to have a sleepover together!” Steven cheered. “We’ll get you a sleeping bag!”

“Steven! Do you know what this means?” Connie said with stark urgency. He looked at her with all seriousness, and she said, “We can sleep on the beach!” The children continued to shriek with joy and Peridot decided it was better to go along with it than question their motives.

A sleepover consisted of, well, sleep. If humans were to remain unconscious the entire period, it seemed a dull experience. But Peridot said nothing to deter the children of their happiness. They set up a fire pit and surrounded it with pillowy seats. Peridot sat in front of the pit, watching the duo run about as they gathered up necessary supplies. Books, toys, blankets… the list went on.

Garnet returned shortly after everything had been set up. Connie, Steven, and Peridot sat around the fire pit. “Garnet, you’re finally back! Do you have the pizza?” he asked eagerly. “We don’t have any good snacks yet.”

“Fear not, gracious host.” Garnet carried several bags with her and a few thin boxes. “I had a feeling Connie might be spending the night, so I picked up a few extra treats for you all.”

Steven grabbed the boxes and grinned. “Aw, Garnet, you’re the best!” He set them next to Peridot, who opened one with curiosity. A heavenly aroma drifted from inside. If there was one thing she didn’t hate about Earth, it was the food. It smelled good and tasted even better.

She closed the box and traced the letters on the box, sounding out the name to herself. “Fis… fish… st-stew... “ She lingered on the last word a while longer before it hit her. “Pizza!”

“That’s right!” Connie whispered, quiet encouragement while Steven helped Garnet unpack the sleepover supplies. Connie moved over to the Gem. “Sorry about kicking your butt earlier.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “I think I’ve moved past it. I’m used to being the bigger Gem in such situations.”

“You were reading earlier,” said the human. “If you want, I could lend you the Dogcopter series. The audiobooks are good, and the movie is great, but it’s not quite the same as actually reading the book. It might be more difficult than what you’re used to, though.”

Peridot mulled the offer over. “Why not. I enjoy a challenge.”

Steven interrupted their chat to hand them plates. There were several varieties of the pizza. Peridot took a small slice of each, after Steven insisted she tried them all. When finished tasting, she showed Steven the piece she enjoyed most, and requested a second. “Ah, pepperoni! A classic!” Steven took a few pieces, but didn’t eat them. Instead, he wrapped them up in some napkins, encased it in a bubble, and threw it out to sea. “I hope Lapis likes pepperoni, too.”

After the pizza, Connie suggested they take a photo. “To commemorate the night,” Connie said. “Steven, we’ll use your phone. It has better resolution.”

“What are you doing?” questioned Peridot.

“We’re taking a- oh, hey! Peridot, you get in the photo, too!” Steven motioned her forward. “We have to squeeze together if we’re all going to fit.”

She knelt shoulder-to-shoulder next to Steven. “Okay! Smile in three, two…”

Peridot blinked the flash from her eyes after they took the picture. She already knew what she looked like, there were thousands of other Peridots that looked like her, so she thought taking a photo was ridiculous. There was no use for such indulgences on Homeworld. Truly great Gems could have portraits commissioned, but beyond that, there was no need for photographs.

“Sweet, none of us blinked! I’m going to post this. Connie, is that okay?” He showed her the picture and she nodded. “Peridot?”

“Whatever you want, Steven.”

She pushed the picture out of her mind as they switched activities. There were many layers to this sleepover ritual, it seemed. “We should play truth or dare!” Connie said. “I mean, nothing dumb. But it’d be fun! Peridot, we’ll do an example for you, and then you can start the first round. Ahem. Steven, truth or dare?”

“Hmm…” Steven appeared deep in thought. “Dare!”

“Okay! I dare you… to run to the beach house and back!”

“Of course, only you would come up with such an evil dare that involves running…” Steven narrowed his eyes but took off running nonetheless.

“You see, you pick truth or dare. If you pick dare, the person tells you to do something, and you have to do it. If you pick truth, the person will ask a question, and you have to answer with complete honesty.”

“I’ve done something like this before,” Peridot said. A memory lingered in the back of her mind. It was faint, and she couldn’t quite place it, but this scenario was familiar.

Steven collapsed on the sand. “Okay! Okay… let’s start. Peridot, you ask one of us… truth… or dare.”

“Connie,” she said. “Truth or dare?”

“Um… dare! I’m feeling ambitious today.”

Now she had to come up with a dare. “I dare you…” Peridot looked around for a source of inspiration when she saw the rest of the Gems on the deck of the house. “I dare you to go… punch Pearl!”

Connie frowned. “That sounds… mean. But I’m all for it. Steven, call her over.”

“Peeeaaaarl!” Steven yelled. “Can you come here?”

The Pearl was over in a flash. “Yes, Steven?”

Connie gave her a light punch in the knee. “Boom! Got you!”

The three of them erupted into a fit of giggles and Peridot covered her mouth with her hand, trying to suppress the laughter boiling over. Pearl sighed. “How childish.”

“Well, we  _are_  children, Pearl!” Steven grinned.

“Don’t call me again, unless it’s a real emergency!” Pearl stalked off, letting her glare linger on Peridot, who was still laughing.

“My turn!” Steven said. “Peridot, truth or dare!”

“Hm… truth.”

“Shaking things up. I like it! Let’s see… remember, you have to tell the truth! Do you like it here?”

Peridot blinked. “In this particular spot?”

“Here. On Earth.”

“Not fair,” snapped Peridot. She thought over the question. “No,” she said. “I don’t.

“Not even a little bit?”

“No!” she insisted. “Let’s move on.”

So they did. They enjoyed a variety of other games, such as hide-and-seek and tag; threw pillows and food at each other; and finally, as the sun dropped in the sky, they settled down in their sleeping bags. Peridot found she preferred it much more than the gritty texture of sand beneath her.

“We have to go change into our pajamas, so we’ll be back in a few minutes!” Steven said.

“Why?” asked Peridot.

“So our clothes don’t get wrinkled when we sleep.”

“Won’t these… pajamas... get wrinkled anyway?”

Connie frowned. “Now is not the time for mind-blowing revelations on societal norms, Peridot. That comes at around three in the morning.”

Peridot sat in her sleeping bag as she awaited their return. She felt excitement when she heard footsteps, and turned to say something. She stopped when she saw it was Garnet. The fusion carried a pile of food and dropped it in the middle of the fire pit. Peridot shrunk back into her bag.

“You’re all having fun,” said Garnet.

“To an extent.”

She extended her left hand over the logs and concentrated. A burst of flame sparked from there and ignited the wood. “It’s more effective than matches,” Garnet explained. “Can we talk?”

“I… suppose.”

“I’m not going to ask about Pearl and the other night,” assured Garnet. “I know Pearl can be skittish. She can jump to conclusions. She can psych herself out, along with everybody else.”

“No kidding,” Peridot sagged with relief, glad to find that Garnet agreed with her on some level. “She’s completely obnoxious.”

“That’s enough,” the fusion warned. “I think that she’s onto something. Peridot, if we ask you about Homeworld, you have to answer honestly.”

“Like truth or dare?” she snorted. “Tell the truth or get stuck with a-”

“I mean it. I know you aren’t keen on staying here. I know that reinforcements will get here. It may take years, but that’s longer for humans than it is for us. If… no,  _when_  it happens… I hope you’ll give us your full cooperation. Information. Technology. Everything we need to know.”

“Then they’ll kill me,” said Peridot plainly. As if the thought didn’t stir panic and fear at the thought.

Garnet shook her head.“They’ll kill you regardless for your failure to complete your mission.”

“No, they won’t! If I can find her and return, I…” Peridot trailed off before she said too much.

Garnet crouched down in front of Peridot. “We’ve been searching for Malachite, too. We haven’t found her, and I doubt you can on your own. And believe me…” She removed her glasses, revealing her three eyes that stared Peridot down, unblinking and cold. “If there’s one thing that’s stayed the same with Homeworld, it’s the punishment that befalls all who fail.”

“I’m different,” Peridot insisted. “You have no clue what I’ve done for them. What I can still do.”

“Homeworld doesn’t know that, nor do they care. The point is, you’re on your own, now. And the Crystal Gems are all you’ve got. I advise that you make the best of your situation here, because you won’t find it better anywhere else.”

Peridot seethed with rage, but said nothing, sinking further into her sleeping bag. Of course Garnet was demonizing Homeworld. She was a fusion. Peridot couldn’t trust anything she said. “I’m getting pretty sick of you clods giving me threatening chats and then trying to prove that you're all friendly.”

Garnet shook her head. “It’s necessary.”

Peridot ignored her, pulling the edge of the sleeping bag up over her head. “Leave me alone.”

And she did.

A few minutes later, Peridot heard two pairs of softer steps, signaling that Steven and Connie had returned. She poked her head out of her shelter and felt relief to see the children come over. She had never been so glad to see a human and… whatever exactly Steven was, in her life.

“Time for the best part!” Steven said. He had a bag full of sweets in one hand and several sticks in the other. “Let’s make some yummy s’mores!”

Of all the new sensations Peridot experienced today, the s’mores were by far her favorite. Sweet and sticky and perfect. “It’s gunking up my hands,” Peridot frowned, trying to pry chunks of melted marshmallow off her machinery.

“That’s the price you pay for these sweet treats,” said Connie in a grave tone. “Here, some napkins might help.”

After a few more valiant attempts to clean off her hands, Peridot gave up, setting the dirtied napkins aside, and curling up in the sleeping bag. “How exactly does one go about sleeping?”

“It’s easy,” Steven said. “You find a nice, comfy position, close your eyes, don’t talk, and just don’t think about anything until you fall asleep. Peridot, have you ever slept?”

Peridot shook her head. “Today is full of new experiences.”

“That’s the spirit!” Steven laughed. “If you’re going to go to sleep, Connie and I’ll keep it down for you.”

The technician nodded her gratitude. She followed Steven’s instructions to the letter. However, she couldn’t get her mind to remain blank. All she could think about was the impossibility of finding Jasper, the Crystal Gems and their stupid lectures that made her second-guess everything, and Steven. The thoughts beat away at her mind for what seemed hours until finally, it exhausted her into an unconscious state.


	10. one song, one rhyme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come on, Steven!” Connie gave him a shove. “She’s going to love it. Even if it’s terrible.”
> 
> “Rude, but accurate.” Peridot said, rolling her eyes.
> 
> Steven strummed a few chords and cleared his throat, looking nervous. He started a soft melody that carried through the night. A hush seemed to fall over the entire area. Even the waves ceased to hear his song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this a few days ago, but I got caught up in a few other projects. Sorry about that! Made this chapter a little shorter since it was originally part of a longer chapter, but. Then it would've been WAY too long. Thanks for all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks! It really makes my day.

Peridot can see the flares in the starry sky against her closed eyelids, long after her outing with Jasper. It’s the closest she’s ever come to seeing a sun. The gray sky of Homeworld only seems appealing when she thinks of the meteor shower. It almost makes her smile.

After that, she doesn’t see Jasper for a long while. She’s confined to her laboratory again. It’s not something she minds; she enjoys her work. Enjoys churning out and designing whatever her Employer asks of her. But she’s confused as to why she hasn’t been on any more missions. She thought they had gone well.

Time flows as time does. Slowly. Peridot remains with her machines. Deconstructs and reconstructs. Finetunes. She feels like she hasn’t looked up from her desk in years.

“Peridot.” A hand sets on her shoulder, fingers curling into her flesh. “Where were you?”

Her Employer has returned. She tries not to shiver under the Gem’s hold. “I’ve been here a while.”

“I’m talking about the night of the meteor shower. You weren’t here.”

“Most of my projects were finished,” Peridot reasons. “I thought a brief absence would be acceptable.”

“You are on a very tight leash as it is, Peridot. After you went behind the council’s back and viewed information not meant for your eyes… after you talked of the war with Jasper... Don’t you know what happens when drones fail to obey?”

“They are repurposed,” Her Employer continues. There’s a sharp buzz behind her and Peridot’s head whips around. Slung in her hand with an all too casual grip is a Gem Destabilizer. “We’ve let you do as you wished long enough, now. You were born to be cold, efficient, and most of all… obedient. It’s time you start acting like it.”

Peridot backs up away from the table. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked!” she shouts. “I’ve gone on missions, I’ve created groundbreaking technology-”

“By exploiting the resources of the council, and thinking that you’re worthy enough to learn of the Great War. Now it’s time for you to take your rightful place among the rest of your kind.”

Peridot shakes her head desperately. She’s important. She’s done things no Gem could ever do. She’s important. She’s the symbol of an entirely new generation of Gems. She’s important! “You can’t do this,” she whispers. “You can’t-”

“This will be much easier than remaking you,” hums the wicked Gem. “There’s a shortage enough of servants after all that’s happened… you know most of all what that can lead to. Broken Gems, thinking they’re worth more than the scum under my heel.”

Peridot stares at her mechanical limbs with a sharp breath. She’s important. She’s done so much. She’s had successful missions with Jasper and revamped the city’s energy grid and created the necessary technology for her sister drones to complete their duties. She’s done so much for so many Gems.

Is there nothing she can do for herself?

Her Employer stares down at Peridot. Her grip on the weapon tightens. “Peridot. What are you worth?”

Peridot sucks in a breath. “I- I don’t-”

“The answer is nothing. You are worth nothing. Now, answer me: what are you worth?”

Peridot shakes her head. There’s a spark as the Gem Destabilizer pierces her side - “Wrong answer” - and her vision fades to white.

.~*~.

Peridot can see the flares in the starry sky against her closed eyelids, long after her outing with Jasper. It’s the closest she’s ever come to seeing a sun. The gray sky of Homeworld only seems appealing when she thinks of the meteor shower. It almost makes her smile.

After that, she doesn’t see Jasper for a long while. She’s confined to her laboratory again. It’s not something she minds; she enjoys her work. Enjoys churning out and designing whatever her Employer asks of her. But she’s confused as to why she hasn’t been on any more missions. She thought they had gone well.

Time flows as time does. Slowly. Peridot remains with her machines. Deconstructs and reconstructs. Finetunes. She feels like she hasn’t looked up from her desk in years.

“Peridot.” A hand sets on her shoulder, fingers curling into her flesh. “Where were you?”

Her Employer has returned. She tries not to shiver under the Gem’s hold. “I’ve been here a while.”

“I’m talking about the night of the meteor shower. You weren’t here.”

“Most of my projects were finished,” Peridot reasons. “I thought a brief absence would be acceptable.”

“You are on a very tight leash as it is, Peridot. After you went behind the council’s back and viewed information not meant for your eyes… after you talked of the war with Jasper... Don’t you know what happens when drones fail to obey?”

Peridot turns around, and suddenly, she’s staring at Pearl. “They are repurposed. Just like I was.”

“If you fail to complete your mission, you’ll be scrapped.” She blinks and now it’s Garnet staring at her. The hand on her shoulder crunches down and she gasps, falling over her table to get away. She clutches her limp arm in agony, her shoulder bruised dark green.

“What are you doing?”

Peridot looks up to see Amethyst standing over her. “You can change, can’t you?”

“Change?” she questions through a haze of pain.

Amethyst’s form morphs into an animal with a propeller on its back, and Peridot realizes with horror that it’s the animal from Connie’s book. “Steven said you can change.”

“I- I don’t know how!”

She backs herself into a corner as the three Gems approach, closing in on her.

“Repurposed,” hisses Pearl.

“Scrapped,” Garnet growls.

“Change,” Amethyst insists.

“Stop!” Peridot yells, tearing at her hair. Everything is too overwhelming. She can’t focus. “What do you all want from me?”

Something heavy slams into her. A giant wave pushes her against the wall and washes away the Crystal Gems. The wall gives way and she falls to the ground. Cold, gritty sand against her cheek. Her soaked uniform clings to her, suffocating, crushing, restrictive.

“What do  _I_  want?”

Lapis Lazuli stands in front of her. Her eyes reflect Peridot’s own fearful face. Peridot tries to say something, anything, in her defense, but she can’t muster a single syllable. She shrinks under the blue Gem’s gaze. She narrows her eyes and steps closer, hands clenched into fists. “I want you to pay.”

Lapis extends her hand and another wave crashes into Peridot. This time, it stays suspended, encasing her. It crushes her being. She folds in on herself in pain. Her Gem begins to crack under the strain and she groans. “Please- I don’t-”

The Gem stares at her with something akin to pity as her hand drops. The water continues to crush Peridot, even as Lapis sinks to the ground. Water chains her to the ground, binding her arms and ankles. “I’m taking you down with me,” she hisses, mirrored eyes full of hate.

“Lapis!” Steven runs onto the scene. “Peridot! We have to help her!”

“St- Stev-” She gurgles. Water rushes into her mouth. She’s being crushed from the inside out. “Ste-”

“Help her! Please!”

Didn’t Steven see that she was in danger, too? She tries to shout, scream, reach out to him. But she can’t. Her mechanical joints snap and creak with a groan. The water is tight and tighter still, a fist crushing her entire being and she can’t hold on anymore-

.~*~.

Peridot shot up from her sleeping bag with a sharp gasp. Her hands flew to her sides, her arms, her shoulders. Gripping herself tight until she felt grounded again. She was whole. She was alive. She was unharmed. She looked around her. The sky was still dark, blurry stars flecked on the horizon. Waves lapped at the sand of the beach like a peaceful sigh. Unlike the harsh, crushing cold she just felt.

“Peridot?” Steven asked. He and Connie were huddled close around the dying embers in the fire pit. He had a strange instrument in his hands. She had seen him carry it around the house many times before. “You okay?”

She took a few deep breaths to steady herself. “Yes,” she managed. “Yes, I… I’m fine.”

“Did you have a bad dream?” Connie inquired with concern.

Dream. Was that the word? It didn't feel like just one. Whatever Peridot imagined, it was slipping through the cracks of her mind already. “I... “ She furrowed her brow, trying to recall at least one detail. She couldn’t. She felt terror gripping her heart when she first awoke but even that was beginning to fade. “I don’t remember.”

“Dreams are like that,” Steven said. “Some good, some bad. I know the feeling.” He strummed his instrument lightly.

“How long was I… asleep? Is that the word?”

“About an hour,” supplied Connie. “It’s totally fine. Sleepovers aren’t meant for sleeping, anyway. That’s an official sleepover rule. It’s probably better that you woke up, too, since we were planning on drawing on your face.”

Steven elbowed her lightly. “Hey, don’t spoil it!”

“What a misleading title.” Peridot pulled out of her sleeping bag. It was starting to become more restricting than comforting. She sat on top of it and drew her knees to her chest. “What are you two doing?”

Steven and Connie grinned. “We were writing a song for you!”

Peridot groaned. How deep did their kindness run?

“Hey, it’s a work in progress, but no need to snuff it before you’ve heard it,” Connie said. “Steven’s good at singing-”

“And Connie’s good at writing! So we thought we’d mash our talents together. This isn’t the first time, though. This is our second collab! Too bad you don’t have your violin, Connie, that would really sell it…”

“Come on, Steven!” Connie gave him a shove. “She’s going to love it. Even if it’s terrible.”

“Rude, but accurate.” Peridot said, rolling her eyes.

Steven strummed a few chords and cleared his throat, looking nervous. He started a soft melody that carried through the night. A hush seemed to fall over the entire area. Even the waves ceased to hear his song. 

“ _Oh_ ,” he hummed softly. 

_Peridot, you are not_

_Quite as bad as I first thought_

_And I think you’ve got a kind heart_

He continued to play, a small smile creeping on his face. Peridot listened with bated breath. Her fingers curled into the sand, her eyes downcast, as she continued to listen to the melancholic melody.

Peridot wondered if she should stop listening. She had received enough kindness from Steven. She didn’t need to stick around and patronize him any longer when it wasn’t relevant to her mission. But she couldn’t bring herself to pull way.

Steven continued to sing in a soft voice, breaking her internal arguments. “

_I knew deep down_

_beneath that frown,_

_you could really turn around…_

_If you got a chance to go back and restart_

Connie looked between them both and smiled softly as Steven continued the melody. Her eyes lidded as she curled up on her sleeping bag. Peridot focused all her attention on the dying coals in the firepit.

_And I will help you change, for the better_

_I know we can both change, for the better..._

He trailed off with a soft hum and strummed the instrument a few more times. “That’s all I have so far. What do you think?”

Peridot’s eyes stung. “It… it’s terrible.”

Steven laughed. Peridot knew he could tell how much she appreciated it, no matter how much more it struck conflict in her heart. “Well, I’ll let you know when I finish. I’ll try and make the rest of it less terrible.” He yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Uh oh, I’m tired… can’t break the sleepover rules… no sleep.”

Peridot pointed to Connie, who lay still, lulled to sleep by Steven’s smooth tune.

“Well, looks like I win. I was awake the longest.” Steven smiled tiredly. “Hey, if I doze off, you won’t tell Connie, right?”

Peridot shrugged. “I won’t make any promises.”

The boy lay down on his sleeping bag with a laugh. “Thanks, Peridot. You’re a good friend.”

She’s important. She’s a friend.

_She’s nothing._


	11. let them spill their guts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The technician just finished her task, buzzing with glee, when Garnet grabbed her by the shirt of her uniform. “What did you do?” She demanded, summoning her weapon. The harsh metal of her gauntlets scratched against Peridot’s skin. 
> 
> Peridot giggled. It was freeing. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while, I was in a real block as life caught up with me. School's starting soon, so I've been doing a lot to get ready for that.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your support on this story! I appreciate the comments, kudos, bookmarks, all of it. Hope this chapter can make up for a bit of the wait I put you through.

Peridot didn’t sleep the rest of the night for fear of anymore dreams. There was only so much she could handle. She stared at the dusty coals of the firepit and listened to the waves crashing onto the shore. Every so often, Connie or Steven would wake up and blearily look around, then roll over and fall back asleep. 

The technician watched the rise and fall of their chests with slight awe. Breathing was so uniquely human; it fascinated her. So many things on this planet did.

Peridot blinked her eyes as the first few rays of dawn filtered through the dark clouds of night. The stars began to disappear. She would’ve loved to watch it by herself, but she remembered something.

“Steven,” she whispered to the sleeping boy. She crouched over his still form, unsure of how to rouse him. She poked him a few times and shook his shoulder. “Steven. The sun is rising.”

The boy yawned deeply and rubbed his eyes. “Peridot… what is it?” 

“The sun is rising, just like you said!” She tugged his arm and forced him to sit. “Come on, we have to see it!”

“Mh… okay… one sec, just let me… wake up a bit.” He swayed where he sat, almost toppling over if it not for the supporting hand Peridot placed on his shoulder. Then she returned her eyes to the sunrise.

A warm glow cast itself over the beach, bathing them in soothing light. Peridot watched with wonderment as the sea turned pink; coral, foamy tides washing over the cool sand. The multi-colored sky was nothing short of enchanting.

She watched the sun rise and bring life to morning. When she finally broke away, she noticed that Steven had fallen asleep again, in a sitting position. Now instead, Connie was now awake, staring at the sunset just as mesmerized as Peridot.

Connie noticed Steven’s position and giggled. She carefully helped him lie back down, setting him on top of his sleeping bag, head propped up on a pillow. “Well, I don’t think I’ll be getting back to sleep, now.” She stretched her arms and yawned with might. “Might as well get something to eat. You wanna come?”

Peridot was curious enough to tag along.

Connie bustled around the kitchen with determination. The technician watched, eyebrow raised, as the girl tried to reach something in a high cupboard. On impulse, Peridot went over and lifted her onto the counter. “Whoa- thanks, Peridot!” Connie grabbed a box and two mugs, setting them down. “You know, when Steven told me about you, I didn’t think you’d be so… nice.”

Peridot thought that was an accurate assessment, considering the nature of her mission. “I’m full of surprises.”

“Steven’s a pretty spot-on judge of character,” Connie said. She pulled a packet out from the box and dumped the powdery content into the mugs. “So I’m only a  _little_  bit surprised. Could you get the milk from the fridge?” 

Peridot followed her instructions, secretly proud she understood what the child spoke of. All that reading was starting to pay off. She was coming to terms with the basics of humanity and the technology of the 21st century. It was almost fun to learn about. At least it was interesting.

Connie took the milk and put it in a pan, placing it on the stove. “Now we just have to wait for that to warm up… hot chocolate seems winter exclusive, but it’s delicious year round!”

“Why is so much of Earth culture centered around food?” Peridot said, shaking her head.

“Well, we need to eat to live. We eat, break food down, it gets turned into energy, and all that jazz.” Connie poured the warm milk into the mugs and stirred them with a spoon. She looked contemplative. “We could get you some science books, you know.”

“I know more about science than you could ever hope to know. I did a fair bit of studying before and during my trip to Earth. Not to mention everything I know about Gems.” Peridot still had a majority of this information stored in her tablet. A gracious gift it was, to be granted with such knowledge after going behind her superior’s backs to obtain it in the first place.

“Well, you might learn something new, anyway. Careful, it’s hot.” Connie slid her the mug and continued to stir her own, blowing away puffs of steam. 

Peridot held it gingerly in her hands. She could tell her metal hands were heating up, but the feeling didn’t register. She was detached from the burning. She mimicked Connie’s behavior, blowing gently on her drink. Perhaps another odd Earth custom.

She stared at her reflection in the drink for a long while, finally deciding that she didn’t have the heart to drink anything new. Shortly after, Steven burst in, sleeping bag drawn tight around his shoulders like a cape. “No fair, you guys ditched me!”

“We were going to make breakfast,” Connie said. 

“Hm... that _is_  a worthy cause. I guess I can forgive you. But I don't think there's time for breakfast. My dad is going to be here soon… we better get you home. We could stop by a drive through or something.” Steven yawned and rubbed his eyes, leaning against the counter next to Peridot. He looked as tired as she felt.

“Oh, right!” Connie groaned, slapping a hand to her forehead. “I forgot about my tennis match.”

“Yeah. Hey, Peridot, you’ll be okay on your own today, right?”

“What?” she said, confused.

“I’m going with my dad so he can drop Connie off at her game. You’ll be fine here, right?”

Yes, she would be absolutely delighted to stay home alone, with only the Crystal Gems to keep her company. She was thrilled at the opportunity to have more condescending and partly terrifying lectures from the three of them at any instant. 

Still, Steven was only going to be gone for today. After all, how much could happen in one day?

“Why not. I don’t have anything else to do.” She pushed her mug towards Steven, since she wasn’t going to happen. “If you’ll get going, I’ll tidy up.”

“Oh, um- I was thinking we could all-” She didn’t wait for the rest of his answer before she left the house and went down to the beach.

She wasn’t scared, exactly… Just apprehensive. A little anxious. She tidied up their site, gathering blankets and separating what was Connie’s and what was Steven’s. After the children had picked up their things, she clung to her own sleeping bag as support, watching Steven enter his father’s van with a sense of dread. He smiled, waving as the car drove off.

Peridot couldn’t shake her fear.

Amethyst's low whistle alerted her to their presence. “Careful cleaning up there, you’re starting to act like a civilized Gem.”

Peridot snorted, but Garnet cut off her retort. “We’re here to talk about something important.”

Peridot wasn’t mentally prepared for another devastating speech from any of them, and tightened the grip on her sleeping bag, refusing to waver in their presence. “All right. I’m listening.”

“Well, we were very pleased that you spent the night with Steven and Connie without causing trouble,” Pearl began. She seemed flustered as she continued, twiddling her thumbs and fingers together. “In fact, despite our earlier allegations-”

“When Garnet and I wanted to beat the stuffing out of you.” Amethyst explained.

Pearl continued by saying, “You’ve been quite… not kind, exactly, but… you’ve fit in well, and you haven’t done anything drastic, considering your position.”

“As a prisoner.” Peridot said, narrowing her eyes.  _Like Lapis Lazuli_.

Still, that assessment surprised her. The last few weeks had been an emotional whirlwind, and she wondered why they hadn’t caught on to her doubt. Then again, she would never mention such things to those Gems. The only one she had given any hint to her troubles was Steven.

“Prisoner is a strong word,” Garnet frowned. “Certainly, we’ve accommodated you with many freedoms. And you haven’t strayed any boundaries. We’ve given you a chance, and it seems that you’ve taken it.” The fusion grit her teeth as she spoke, as if some part of her still disagreed.

It was Peridot’s turn to frown. “What are you saying?”

“If you’re willing, you can stay here. Not as a prisoner, but as our friend. Commit to a life on Earth.”

The tracker underneath the emblem on her chest burned, a reminder of her true loyalty. Her partner, her mission, her Employer. The fact that she still had to complete her daunting mission weighed heavy on her shoulders.

“We figured that you came here to restart the Kindergarten,” Pearl said, voice lowered. “and you brought Jasper and Lapis Lazuli to help enforce that.”

Peridot nodded. “I was to reactivate the site and collect information on something left there. Jasper was assigned to eliminate the Gems that were causing me problems. Lapis Lazuli was my informant, with some friendly persuasion. She’s been the only Gem to have been on this planet in thousands of years.” She gauged their reactions; they seemed a bit surprised. Perhaps they hadn’t expected Lapis to sell them out. And, during their mission, she hadn’t expected to catch Lapis sending a transmission back to their destination as a warning. To either side, she was a traitor, despicable through and through. “It wasn’t exactly my choice to have either of them accompany me, but my Employer insisted that Jasper and Lapis Lazuli had to come to make sure my mission went smoothly. Well, here we are.”

Pearl seemed far away, now. “Of course. Jasper knows the terrain here, and Lapis is the only Gem to return since the war.”

Peridot stiffened at the mention of the war. She had been skirting that specific word for good reason. “Yes, I… I just said that.”

“Hey, no one from Homeworld is gonna hear you talking about it,” Amethyst said with a roll of her eyes. She made no attempt to sound reassuring, but Peridot took some comfort in her snark.

“That mindset will take time to lose.” Garnet said, almost comforting. There was understanding in her voice, and a significant hard edge that meant they were moving on from this point of the conversation.

_Of course, these Gems fought in the same war as Jasper. Just on different sides… and look where they all ended up._

“What does my mission have to do with my staying here? If I even want to stay?” Peridot asked, hugging the sleeping bag tighter. The material felt nice against what little skin of her arms it reached, and helped soothe her.

“We want to make sure that you’re completely dedicated, and that you won’t go back. We’ll have to do this eventually, with or without your help. There’s no way for you to contact anyone from Homeworld, correct?” Garnet crossed her arms. “Unless you could repair the communications room in the Kindergarten.”

“That is a possibility,” Peridot said quietly. Not to mention the interface of the Kindergarten’s communication chambers, should she repair it, would allow her to upload the coordinates of her second ship and summon it to Earth. “You want to shut down any chance of that happening.”

“It’s the only way we can be sure to trust you.”

They had no idea of her and Jasper’s transmitters. She could still find Jasper after this, but it would be nearly impossible to get off the planet. Without the Kindergarten as her beacon, she couldn't see any other place on Earth that would help her escape.

“I don’t have any other choice, do I?” she muttered to herself, not expecting an answer. 

_You’ve never had any choice._

Peridot didn’t protest as they brought her to the Kindergarten. It was an eerily quiet canyon, but familiar to her. She had been to several different Kindergartens before. Some she helped monitor, others she helped repair. The terrain calmed her. She stared at the dead Injectors, sticking out of cliffs and patches of rock; the sad, broken machines struck a chord with her.

The Crystal Gems guided her down to the depths of the Kindergarten and the room where Peridot’s troubles with this planet had started. The room was in pieces, gross and silent.

“There should be an external panel here somewhere… with the power source...” Peridot murmured, stepping over broken shards from the communication core. “Right, here.” She knelt down to examine a console below the core. She quickly removed the panel, revealing a line of six thin crystals. Four of them were dark, only two glowed with faint light. Below the power source was an backup interface. Primitive, but they would allow her to do almost everything now that the communication core was damaged. Perhaps this old technology wasn't all terrible; at least it had a penchant for backup plans. 

Still, the fact that she had to to shut it down angered her. Kindergartens were full of life and opportunity. Peridot was fond of them, somewhat. The process of creating a Gem was like no other. Not to mention the technology used to harvest them. And the studying of the environment to make sure the planet was utilized to its fullest potential.

Now it was going to be destroyed. And where else would she be able to find crystals necessary to power the facility?

“Well?” Pearl’s voice sounded behind her, echoing in the lonesome cavern. “Can you shut it down?”

“Yes, of course I can.” She activated her tablet and went over her mission report, trying to find something that could help her power the Kindergarten besides the dying crystals. And she had to act fast. Then, she noticed something. Something odd.

“What?” she muttered, squinting at the file. “Oh, right!” 

“What is it?” Garnet demanded.

“I told you, I was to collect information here- it was some experiment my Employer insisted I monitor. Let’s see…” She read through the extraction process as fast as she could and shut her tablet off. She would need both hands free for this.

“We’re not here for you to complete your dumb mission,” Amethyst said. Peridot was already tapping away at the backup command controller. “Hey, cut it out!”

“This will only take a second!” Peridot heard the shifting, grinding of stone as six holes in the ceiling opened up. She watched them slip through their chambers, almost in slow motion, and then crash into the floor. The Crystal Gems avoided them with varying degrees of surprise.

“Peridot, that’s enough!” Pearl yelled. 

Peridot had seconds to act. She had to transfer the coordinates while they were distracted. She would use what little of the power this place had left to send a signal to her ship and have it summoned right to the Kindergarten.  _And_  she could track the experiment , now, too!

The technician just finished her task, buzzing with glee, when Garnet grabbed her by the shirt of her uniform. “What did you do?” She demanded, summoning her weapon. The harsh metal of her gauntlets scratched against Peridot’s skin. 

Peridot giggled. It was freeing. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“This isn’t a joke, Peridot! What…  _are_  these?” Pearl stared at the stone cylinders with a mix of apprehension and fear. 

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.” She straightened herself out, cleared her throat, and said to Garnet, “Can you put me down, now?” Garnet complied, but remained too close for comfort. “I just brought these down from their storage chambers. I’m only going to gather some information on them.”

“You don’t  _get_  it!” Amethyst grabbed at her hair in frustration. “You can forget about your mission- you can stay here on Earth! You don’t have to worry about any of this stuff! Just.. put these back! And shut the stupid thing down!” She kicked at one of the experiments, sending bits of gravel flying.

“Hey!” Peridot snapped. She broke free of Garnet and pushed Amethyst away the experiment. “They’re very fragile!”

“It’s a tube of concrete!”

But Amethyst’s kick had done some damage. The rest of the cylinder began to crack, stone giving way. It split open in the middle, sending up a cloud of dust. Peridot coughed, waving it away. 

Something rose from the center. It looked like a Gem, but it wasn’t quite that- it was a cluster of Gems. They glowed, bright as anything, four vague shapes trying to pull away from the bond that kept them together. The thing wasn’t whole, either. It was different colors. Different beings.

A fusion.

The four let out a shattered scream that pierced the air. It fascinated Peridot. She turned to see her captors frozen in fear with their eyes fixated on the experiment. 

The horrendous thing, composed of only hands and feet, swayed on its limbs, making its way over to them. Peridot brought back her tablet and started recording. “This is Peridot, checking on the Cluster experiment, cylinder one of six. It seems to be a mix of several different body parts of several different Gems. This experiment proves that forced fusion is possible-”

She cut off when met with the four bright eyes on the palm of the experiment's giant hand. She stared at it. “I’m… Peridot,” she said at last. She didn’t know what to do, so she held out her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

The Cluster shook, and one of its hands reached out to grab at Peridot’s shoulder. “Hey- oh, fine.” She resumed work on her tablet. “It seems the experiment is very touchy. It doubt it can understand any kind of speech.”

“ _Peridot_!” 

She forgot they were there. “What?” she snapped. “I’m finally getting some work done, and you clods aren’t going to interfere!” Another hand grabbed her. “Okay, I get it! You can let go of me! Stop-”

The Cluster’s hands all grasped her. Two gripped her head, pushing and squeezing against her skull. “The Cluster is- being aggressive- I suspect it doesn’t understand the concept of  _personal space_!” She was becoming panicked, now, as the Cluster pushed and pulled her. Tighter and tighter the hands became on her head. “No-”

It forced her to stare at the four, unblinking eyes. Dead, though they once were, now had a manic gleam of life in them. Alive in the worst possible way. A hiss echoed through the chamber. Peridot felt pain. Pain and shock. 

Something snaked around her waist and she was getting tugged the other way. But the fusion still had a threatening grip on her. She was being pulled apart. Which force would she allow to deliver the final blow?

The technician hit Amethyst with a heavy thud, crashing into her. The kindergarten Gem was quick to unfasten the rope, cursing her. From dull eyes, Peridot could see Garnet and Pearl charging the Cluster.

“No-” she begged, reaching out to them. Her work- her  _mission_ \- they were going to shut this place down with or without her.

“This is over!” Garnet yelled. The Cluster retreated with a poof, and Garnet bubbled it. Peridot’s head was ringing. She could hear two voices arguing, and Garnet was shaking so horribly. Pearl was trying to console her. 

Peridot was trying to gain some grip on reality, hobbling over to Garnet, even as Amethyst tried to pull her back. Tried to spare her from their leader's fury. 

“You can’t- it’s my only chance-”

“You’re right about that,” Garnet snarled. She yanked Peridot along by her arm despite her dizziness and the injuries she had suffered. Tears dripped down her face and Peridot felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over her. “This was your only chance and you  _blew_ it.”


	12. author's note

Hey! So I guess you’ve all probably guessed by now that this fic is dead. I’ve been struggling over the past several months with a lot of family and mental illness stuff, and as much as I would love to, I do not have the time or energy to consistently update a fic. Maybe that will change for another fic in the future. But Peridot’s redemption arc is already under way, so there’s not much need for this fic anymore. Still, I thank everyone so much for sticking with this as long as you all did! I really appreciate it, and I wish I could continue, but I just can’t. Sorry.

  
Again, thank you all so much for everything! It was fun while it lasted<3


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